Time for a change.

My far - out life goes flitting by,
Faster than I can rectify,
The stupid things that I have done
Are all done in the name of fun

But now I find I'm cooling down
No more running all over town
Time to alter the life I've lead
The time is here to keep my head

I need the time to do my work
And not fear the things that lurk
In the shadows of my odd life
Rid myself of torment and strife.

Build my life according to zen
Try not to mess it up again
This is my chance to fix it all
The time has come, I can not stall

The Way I See It...

Life as I see it is confusing.

Many good and bad things have happened the last few weeks. I was with a wonderful person, but it was just something I don't feel I could have stayed with. I'm not one for that yet. I feel it's better off this way. As a result of this I feel I may have hurt some feelings and would like to apologize for any pain I may have caused.

Two of my close friends were fighting. I saw both sides of the story, and yet I stayed out of it. It turns out it was for the better, it was not my fight to fight, and I stayed out of it. Good came from this. They talked and see each other's views on it and are now friends again. This makes me happy.

One of my friends is going through a lot of BS. Sure he'll act as if he's OK but I know he isn't. He's hurt and confused, but he'll be alright. I'd like to be there for him more but I'm too busy. I wish him the best though and if he needs to talk he knows where to find me.

I made a new friend. He's a stoner and makes me laugh. End of story.

I've been distant towards the people I love the most. For this I apologize.

Lately I've been getting back in touch with an amazing girl. I missed her so much and didn't know what I had until it was gone. We talked it through and realized that we were both being stupid, although I think she was just saying that. I know it was mostly my bad, but I'm hoping I've changed for the better. I love her more than anything in the world, and without her I'd be nothing. I want her to know how much I love her, for everything she's done and just for being there when I need her. I've seen the errors in my ways and am working to correct them.

School is almost over. This is good. I hate that fucking place, it's not a learning center. It's a prison for the free minded, free spirited hippie children of the present. Over throw the institutions.

I'm done paying for my sax. I own it. It's my most cherished possession.

I'm almost done paying for my life. This is also good. I hate my job, but there's some pretty awesome people starting to work there so it's not too bad. I will quit eventually. When that day comes... too damn bad for my employer.

There are only 8 more days left until I get surgery on my arm. I'm happy about this and a little weirded out because when I first get it done holding the sax will hurt. But at least it won't hurt for random reasons. I also get a cool scar, and my first stitches... Craziness.

So as you can tell I'm in a neutral mood. This is where I'm happiest. I hate being overly happy because it makes people jealous and hate you just to bring you down. Being overly happy sucks. I hate being depressed because then you're just that emo kid with the problems that everyone either fusses over of ignores. Also bad. Neutral is the way to go. Nonchalance is my duty in life. I love it.

I feel lucky.

The Passage of Time

Frolic in the spring sun upon the grass
Lie beneath the green weeping willow tree
Close your mournful eyes and let the years pass
Let them slip away with tranquility

Live until the days of rest claim your soul
Feel the wondrous emotions in your veins
Sorrow, joy, elation, anger and dole
Until your essence is riddled with pains

Dream silently during the times of peace
Hauntingly scream in moments of anguish
Wake not until the frightful visions cease
Make that your one and only final wish

Think about it until that final night
Take your last breath with knowledge and insight.

Mad World

OK. Fashion images make me sick. Look at the world today!! Honestly! What is this? Why are our ideals of beauty so distorted?! It's the fucking media. Why the hell do we have to look like a model to even be "half decent". There was a time young girls didn't have to worry about make up, jewelry, or slutty outfits. They could just be kids and no one would discriminate them for being like that. This world makes me want to throw up... Which brings me to another topic.

STOP VOMITING YOU BULIMIC WHORES. LOOK AT YOURSELVES! THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.

Ugh. Diet pills, anorexia, bulimia, corsets... fuck. This is so gross. Why? If you're fat and don't want to be fat, get your lazy ass off the couch and eat some veggies while taking your dog for a walk or something. If you're fat and are perfectly comfortable with being so, then stay that way. NO ONE should be able to tell you what you should look like. That is up to you. Not everyone else.

Now this portion is for the 11 year old strippers I see everyday near the elementrys. YOU ARE 11 YEARS OLD. You don't need to sell your body to make boys like you. Give them a smile and go play soccer with them, get dirty, be a kid. Take off the fake boobs and wear a fucking T- shirt and some runners. Live life while you can, because honestly it passes by WAY too fast.

When did the obsession of large boobs and tight underwear start? There was a time when Pam Anderson's boobs would have driven away every man within a 20 mile radius. They weren't considered beautiful then, and in my opinion they sure as hell are NOT beautiful now. THAT'S GROSS. WHY WOULD YOU WILLINGLY PUT PLASTIC INTO YOUR BODY?!?!?! I hope it rots. That would be a riot.

It's not like this just for women either though. Men have it rough too. When did us girls get it in our heads that we want muscle headed jocks who think with the brains below their belts? Guys don't need to be extremely muscular to be worth anything. I mean, just use the brain (in your heads) and perhaps you'd be better off. That's just terrible.

I don't think I'll waste anymore time ranting on this topic. Cause yeah, I could go on for DAYS. I'll just leave you all with some images and tag lines that I think should go along with them.

I'd like to call this one "Fashion Hurts" only because that's what it was tagged as on some other website I was looking at before I wrote this. I think more people should see images like this. I love the symbolism.

This one we shall call "Look At Me Now" Barbie is one of THE WORST influences on body image as far as young girls go. Well look all you like girls. Do you find that attractive? Do you want to look like that? No? Didn't think so. Well Barbie is unrealistic, I think this picture just demonstrates exactly how unrealistic it TRULY is.

The one on the left I could title. "PLEASE PASS THE 'ROIDS"

What are these people thinking?! That is just disgusting.

Just... no. Bad.

"Twelve
year old body
, 25 year old woman"
(On the right)
Unless you
want to get mistaken for
a child, ladies
don't do this to yourself. I
don't find ribs very good looking... and
face it... she's.
Ugh. WHY?!?!?It's so pointless!

And that concludes my rant on body image... this is the first one I've done but I see it's quite long winded, so it might have a sequel. I guess we'll see in the future. Keep you all posted.

Elated.

You are beautiful.
When I think of you I smile.
More than a life time to say "How are you?"
Times have changed.
In my life I love you more.
When the day is done I still have you.
Life will continue on.
But my world would be silent and grey.
Without you.

I listen to songs and remember how we sang
Out of tune and louder than humanly possible
They make me, laugh.
They make me cry.
There's a time for both.
There's time.
For daring to dream.
Smelling the flowers.
Lying in the rain.
Laughing in the park.
Crying for help.
Love.
There is time.
With you.

Don't ever try to be someone you're not.
I love you for you.
We get in trouble.
We get out of trouble.
We lie.
We laugh about it.
We fight.
We apologize.
We get depressed.
We talk it out.
We've loved and have lost.
We get picked on.
We laugh about that too.

Because we know that as long as we have each other it balances out.

My fellow miscreant maverick renegade;

This is for you.

<3