Mood: Reminiscent
Music:Hard Road - Sam Roberts
Time: 11:23 am
Period: 2 - Social Studies.
Current Thoughts: Where is that girl? She certainly is taking her time in there... Oh well, her loss, I'm done my portion... And part of hers. Funny how that works.
Last Chance
I wonder if you notice,
I wonder if you care.
Can you see my lack of focus?
Now that you're not here?
Do you even miss me?
Am I so transparent?
Are you full of embarrassment
To be seen with me?
What happened to our plans?
What happened to our faith?
We have so many loose ends.
Yet we do not speak face to face.
It hurts me to look and see
Every single day.
That glorious girl you used to be.
Seems to have faded away.
You've changed so much,
As I have too,
But I still regret loosing touch
But I don't think you do.
So next time you're thinking
And have nothing to do.
If you miss me too.
Please give me a ring.
Can we talk when we pass?
Can you meet my gaze?
Because this is the last
Chance you're getting in this faze.
--------------------------------------------------------
I'm so sick of it all. Yes, I'm aware, I'm redundant as I think I've started at least 8 posts with that sentence in the past 2 years. It's pretty bad, but hey, never a dull moment. It's always something new when it comes to my life. Yay positivity. I'm really not in that positive of a mood, but I really don't feel inclined to angst it out right now.
I'm really starting to NOT be able to depend on this girl. She's starting to wear down my thick layer of patience I had for her. She's starting to bottom out and grind on my nerves. I don't want to snap at her though... I can't. She'll self destruct. Yes she has issues. Everyone does. Yes hers are apparent. So are others. I dunno why, but for some reason it really feels like she's attention seeking. I mean, it's pretty horrible, her problems and whatnot, but they're easy to handle in my eyes. I guess what it comes down to is she is not me. And we were both raised very differently. The only thing I really don't understand is why she keeps telling me that she and I are so alike. Any who, I hold nothing against her, I'm just in a bad mood and want to complain. I do love her. We have fun together. It's just... Some days. I bet she feels the same. It's easier to take me in small doses so I've been told.
I can't take it. I can't. There is too much on my plate. I can't listen to everyone at once. Everyone - everything is managing to grate somehow. I want a week off. I can't though. I've been trying to get better. I know what I was doing was just hurting myself... What I am doing is still hurting me. I look like I'm doing better. My attendance is reflecting it. But am I really? There is a price on this reform. That price is my nights. I can't keep myself out of the black, especially at night. I seem to look like I'm on it. Like I'm getting by with a smile. But honestly, short though they may be, these are the most painful lows I've had in a while.
My health is hitting the drain again as well. I've decided I may as well try to make the most of it while I can. Nothing seems to heal properly, my blood pressure has dropped since last time, I can't keep a constant weight (it keeps dropping), I have random feverish moments, I have intense headaches and I overall just do not feel well. I'm starting to wonder if it's all just mind over matter. Maybe it's happening like this because I feel so ill in my head. Mind over matter. I feel like hell, I'm too stressed and now I'm getting sick. This simply isn't working. Perhaps if I wasn't so sick in my head, I'd be less ill physically. Perhaps if I was bubbly and blank like most girls I'd be healthy.
I don't like trying new things that look dumb.
Now that I know people read this I feel creeped out to write things about myself and how I view everyone. Because people know who I'm talking about, or hell, they even recognize themselves as being one of my random mentions, it makes it very difficult to write what I want. So I'm putting this warning out now --
THIS BLOG IS NOT CENSORED. I WILL NOT CEASE TO WRITE EXACTLY WHAT I AM THINKING ABOUT YOU, BECAUSE THIS IS FOR MY OWN SANITY, IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU MAY BE OFFENDED. IT WAS YOUR CHOICE TO READ IT.
Anyways. Now with that stated I must go as the bell is about to ring. I have full intentions of writing more this week, but you know how those go.
"I've got too much on my plate.
Don't have no time to be a decent lover.
I hope it isn't too late.
Looking at the time that has gone so fast.
The time that I thought would last.
My ever present past."
