~Tall and tan and young and lovely...~
So here I am again after all this time.
Ha, 18 and I feel like I've woken up finally for the first time only to realize that I've royally fucked myself for the last three years. High school. What the hell was I thinking? Now I'm here, awake, alone, and I strangely feel somewhat empowered. I think I'm going to do it. Just stop caring and get on with life. I'm done school, I'm done with many people around me, and I'm ready to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want.
I think I was in denial for a really long time. I turned 18 and nothing changed so I thought. But it did. I grew out of so much. Especially my boyfriend, unfortunately. Though we're the same age, I just found him to be too young for me. He hasn't figured out anything in his life yet, and he's so scattered and confused. I'm not saying that I'm not, but I feel like I have a very calm head on my shoulders, and I know what I want.
I guess that's actually the main difference. I KNOW what I want. He has no fucking clue. It's sad, but we've drifted too far apart. I respect him, I love him and above all I want to be his friend. We've agreed to that and taken out the obligation of a relationship. I think that's the best possible thing we could have done for each other. I'm finally at peace with this. I'm so happy that he agreed to it.
Well, I must learn to love, let go, and it he comes back... Hell who knows, we might have stumbled onto the same path again.
Until then...
~ No she doesn't see~
