The Way I See It...

Life as I see it is confusing.

Many good and bad things have happened the last few weeks. I was with a wonderful person, but it was just something I don't feel I could have stayed with. I'm not one for that yet. I feel it's better off this way. As a result of this I feel I may have hurt some feelings and would like to apologize for any pain I may have caused.

Two of my close friends were fighting. I saw both sides of the story, and yet I stayed out of it. It turns out it was for the better, it was not my fight to fight, and I stayed out of it. Good came from this. They talked and see each other's views on it and are now friends again. This makes me happy.

One of my friends is going through a lot of BS. Sure he'll act as if he's OK but I know he isn't. He's hurt and confused, but he'll be alright. I'd like to be there for him more but I'm too busy. I wish him the best though and if he needs to talk he knows where to find me.

I made a new friend. He's a stoner and makes me laugh. End of story.

I've been distant towards the people I love the most. For this I apologize.

Lately I've been getting back in touch with an amazing girl. I missed her so much and didn't know what I had until it was gone. We talked it through and realized that we were both being stupid, although I think she was just saying that. I know it was mostly my bad, but I'm hoping I've changed for the better. I love her more than anything in the world, and without her I'd be nothing. I want her to know how much I love her, for everything she's done and just for being there when I need her. I've seen the errors in my ways and am working to correct them.

School is almost over. This is good. I hate that fucking place, it's not a learning center. It's a prison for the free minded, free spirited hippie children of the present. Over throw the institutions.

I'm done paying for my sax. I own it. It's my most cherished possession.

I'm almost done paying for my life. This is also good. I hate my job, but there's some pretty awesome people starting to work there so it's not too bad. I will quit eventually. When that day comes... too damn bad for my employer.

There are only 8 more days left until I get surgery on my arm. I'm happy about this and a little weirded out because when I first get it done holding the sax will hurt. But at least it won't hurt for random reasons. I also get a cool scar, and my first stitches... Craziness.

So as you can tell I'm in a neutral mood. This is where I'm happiest. I hate being overly happy because it makes people jealous and hate you just to bring you down. Being overly happy sucks. I hate being depressed because then you're just that emo kid with the problems that everyone either fusses over of ignores. Also bad. Neutral is the way to go. Nonchalance is my duty in life. I love it.

I feel lucky.