Internal Deluge

I died again last night. The sun never shines the day after you die, mind you, it's understandable. I mean; who opens their eyes the day after they die? Those of us who have taken to dying are similar, in my mind, to Lazarus. When we die we are subject to a three day period of depression where we may feel dead and decaying, then we rise when called forth.

But what happens when we are left longer than three days?
What happens when no one comes for us?
Nails on a chalkboard.
Cellar door.
Tires screaming on wet pavement.
Time is running out.

We die. No more of this constant death and resurrection. We die, cold out, game over, final match - die. We are not Lazarus. We do not have a savior to tell us to come forth. What if instead of "Lazarus come forth!" Jesus had called "Come forth!"? Who is to say that the entire graveyard would not have risen? Have you ever tried to call back the dead? If so you have probably noticed that no one came forward. Once you're in the ground you're gone, that's life. Focus on bringing forth the dead people who are still walking. Bring forth the depressed, bring forth the dying, bring forth the dead. We are not all dead. We are not all dying. We are not all too far gone.

We all need to be saved.

The sun is still not shining. My eyes are still closed. I am still hiding behind painted eyelids of indifference. It is strange to awake to pure darkness, yet be aware of all.

There is an old saying: "Ignorance is bliss." Does it contradict "Knowledge is power."? Or do they compliment one another like vanilla and chocolate? Supposedly vanilla and chocolate are opposites, yet they go very well together. Does the power of knowledge go hand in hand with the bliss of ignorance? Or does the power of knowledge make us unhappy? Would we be better off ignorant? Would we be better off dead? Who knows?

Lazarus, come forth.

Je Veux Et J'exige.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16... --- Ready or not! Here I come!

Remember when hide and seek used to be fun? Remember when we were all so young and innocent that hiding from people and waiting for them to come to us was so natural? What's with all this reaching out blindly in the dark for something that you're not really certain is there? Why bother groping blindly? Why isn't anyone coming to find you anymore? Why are we playing reverse hide and seek? When did humanity stop caring?

We stopped caring when we became selfish and vain.
We stopped caring when we started using those around us for personal gain.
We stopped caring when we constantly put ourselves first.
We stopped caring when we were ahead.

So is it only when you fall behind that you care?
Is it only when you think you're in danger that you want to help?
Do you only care when you're benefiting?

No, because that's going back to being selfish.

So does anyone really care about the well being of others out of genuine interest? Or is it all for self gain?

I know I'm hiding and reaching out blindly in the dark. But I think my eyes are beginning to adjust. I think I can see what's there. So many people are doing the same as me. No one is being the seeker, as everyone is seeking. When I open my eyes and strain a little I can see; everyone is wandering blindly in the dark, arms out stretched hoping to grab onto that one thing that may be concrete. Then a light appears, well not a light, but it's a faint glow, and in it walks a boy. He walks around with his eyes closed, seeing none of us. But we all see him. He approaches me, and when he's in front of me, he opens his eyes and holds out his hand. I take it. Instantly I begin to glow as well. Then I see it's not just us, but if you look hard enough around you can see a few other people walking around with their eyes closed glowing.

Then I realize. We're not all as alone as we seem.

There are a handful out people out there who care. A handful of people who can glow around us and make us see. A handful of people who can brighten our days. A handful of seekers in a crowd of children hiding waiting to be tagged.

Everyone is waiting to be tagged, everyone is waiting for their turn to seek.

Tag, you're it.

Plus Qu'autant

<3

Oh no what I have I done?
I've dug a hole to bury the sun,
I've cried black tears of innocent blood,
I've done things that no one should.

Running from something I swear I can see,
Having no one ever believe me,
Screaming at the wall with it's indifferent stare,
Who am I to say who will be there.

Wandering slowly and blind in the dark,
I restlessly swing to and fro in the park,
Appear you do not, but it's already forgot,
And I have no despair to be sought.

Forgive and forget, better to love and have lost,
I would not have tried love if I had known the cost.
And now though I trust it, and try to be brave,
Something inside always wants to misbehave.

If you forgive me, I'll never dispute you,
I'll be with you always trying to clear the blue.
And leave you not, unless it's what you want,
Je te veux encore, plus qu'autant.

<3