I've been trying to write lately. It's been working too mind you. The first piece of writing is a song, which DOES have a guitar part written out... but there is NO way in hell that I'm attempting to write out the tab because just to fathom writing down something the way I play it... is scary and looks time consuming. So you'll have to... uh yeah, wait for a recording or something LMAO. The second piece of writing is a free verse poem... 'nuff said.
Shades of Grey
There's a time for the world to turn blue,
There's a time for the sky to fall.
There's a time to give in to despair
But hey, who cares?
When your lonely heart calls it quits,
When you find yourself down and out.
When you feel the world stops spinning,
I will still be there.
-chorus-
If I could give you anything,
I'd make this less cliché
If I could give you anything
I'd paint it out in shades of grey,
But as it stands, in black and white,
I love you.
If you notice, when I look at you,
If you smile, I'll smile too.
If you're sad, it'll be Okay,
And you'll see the shades of grey.
-chorus-
If I could give you anything,
I'd make this less cliché
If I could give you anything,
I'd paint it out in shades of grey,
But as it stands, in black and white,
I love you.
You'll know it., shades of grey.
You'll see it, shades of grey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Premonition
The victim is a heartless killer
The villan on his hit list
The cruel world of today
Thrust into the peaceful dwelling of the future
Can this be true?
Loving a lover's daughter
Bends the mind around the silver spoon
A love like tomorrow
Hated in the past
Is it time to renew?
Fall up into the sky
The laws of physics don't apply
Winter's tears are burning hot
Summer screams as if shot
Is it not all overdue?
The pain wretched into your pleasure
Matters only when you breathe
Bitter sweet, costing life in excess
Shoot the non believers
Is there time to review?
Evaporate the minions of truth
The gateway between worlds
Is at a standstill this dawn
Folding into the twilight
Does it know the morning dew?
Hearts beating in and out of sync
Changing topics so quickly think
This fairytale must have an end
Something reminiscent of a friend
Is there anyway this will all get through?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Time To Vacuum Up The Dust Bunnies... -sniff-
Well I think this blog has definitely suffered enough neglect. I pity it. I missed it a lot. I don't think I can post to often once I'm away from Alberta, but I can try to be faithful, as I know it still has faith in me. Now that I can actually type with this keyboard without being dreadfully slow, I can type what comes to mind WHEN it comes to mind. This maketh me happy. I want to write a song... I've started one, and it's about a schizophrenic breakdown. It's kinda weird, but that's Daniel's fault. He just had to say "schizophrenia". So anyways brief breakdown of what I've been up to since I left. Not much. There all done. Oh serious? Well... I've been in town practically every weekend, finished my social studies and I think I flunked but that's another story. I no longer care about my marks too much, or how fast I do it, I'll get it done eventually. And when I'm done, it'll all work out, erm, so I like to believe. I honestly don't want to leave just yet, but being stuck in limbo is equally as lame. I think once we're out on the road I'll be a lot more interested in life. I think what this is currently, is like some sort of half life. AKA boring as hell. But enough complaints. Now to write something half enjoyable to read.
"Circle of hands, cold spirits plans, searching my land for an enemy. Came across, love's sweet cost and in the face of beauty, evil was lost."
I love that song. There's so many good things in this world when we stop looking for them. If you scrutinize everything looking for something bad you'll find something bad. I don't think that works for good things. If you search for something good, you're not going to find it. No matter HOW hard you look. I think it's when we stop searching and start living do we see the good things life has to offer. I don't want to live in a mono coloured world. Give me some pastels and paint the world how I see it. I would not paint it so that there is famine and death. I'd paint the pretty things like the apple blossoms and koi fish in the river.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the famine etc. should be ignored. I'm merely stating that if I could paint the world, it would not exist.
On a lighter note.
Fortunes of heaven and hell unite and combine in a whirlwind of satin blue and red velvet. A cry from above is recognized and the children scatter and run for cover has she swoops down upon the Valley of Evercrest.
She is tall for her kind, a half breed, a mutant of her ancestors, yet she posses a certain kind of grace that would not have been in the genetic make up of her predecessors. Her eyes are alight with a purple amethyst flame and her scales shimmer from an azure shade of blue to a fiery red, with the transition of various shades of violet in between. She has gills neatly tucked behind the crests which rise from the sides of her neck and frame her visage. She is long and lean as only one of her status can be, with slight legs which end in wicked claws a webbed feet. As she gazes around the valley she feels lonely. There are none of her kind to be found anywhere. It is as if there were any to begin with, she is the only one, there could not even be the remote possibility of another. Not in this day and age. Why would there, in fact throughout all of history only 4 of her type had been recorded, and none of them lived to be any older than 147 years at the most. She was a brazen 156 and holding. Her health was fine, it's not like she had experienced any of the defects the others had. She was in fact, perhaps the best turn out yet. Unfortunately her existence was solely for the benefit of science. The humans insisted upon her creation, and now it was to them she owed her life.
This would be the biggest problem at the time being. Loneliness is something she had always coped with, she'd gown used to it, but the humans taking her for granted was more than she could bear. She decides to run away. The world is her plaything, she'll do with it what she likes. She can live anywhere, she has the capabilities. Her name : Accalia.
There I has created a character. Now if only I could write a story. But now that I have a character in mind, I'll dream up the rest I suppose. One day...
I missed my random somewhat weird blogging.
It's good to be back.
"Circle of hands, cold spirits plans, searching my land for an enemy. Came across, love's sweet cost and in the face of beauty, evil was lost."
I love that song. There's so many good things in this world when we stop looking for them. If you scrutinize everything looking for something bad you'll find something bad. I don't think that works for good things. If you search for something good, you're not going to find it. No matter HOW hard you look. I think it's when we stop searching and start living do we see the good things life has to offer. I don't want to live in a mono coloured world. Give me some pastels and paint the world how I see it. I would not paint it so that there is famine and death. I'd paint the pretty things like the apple blossoms and koi fish in the river.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the famine etc. should be ignored. I'm merely stating that if I could paint the world, it would not exist.
On a lighter note.
Fortunes of heaven and hell unite and combine in a whirlwind of satin blue and red velvet. A cry from above is recognized and the children scatter and run for cover has she swoops down upon the Valley of Evercrest.
She is tall for her kind, a half breed, a mutant of her ancestors, yet she posses a certain kind of grace that would not have been in the genetic make up of her predecessors. Her eyes are alight with a purple amethyst flame and her scales shimmer from an azure shade of blue to a fiery red, with the transition of various shades of violet in between. She has gills neatly tucked behind the crests which rise from the sides of her neck and frame her visage. She is long and lean as only one of her status can be, with slight legs which end in wicked claws a webbed feet. As she gazes around the valley she feels lonely. There are none of her kind to be found anywhere. It is as if there were any to begin with, she is the only one, there could not even be the remote possibility of another. Not in this day and age. Why would there, in fact throughout all of history only 4 of her type had been recorded, and none of them lived to be any older than 147 years at the most. She was a brazen 156 and holding. Her health was fine, it's not like she had experienced any of the defects the others had. She was in fact, perhaps the best turn out yet. Unfortunately her existence was solely for the benefit of science. The humans insisted upon her creation, and now it was to them she owed her life.
This would be the biggest problem at the time being. Loneliness is something she had always coped with, she'd gown used to it, but the humans taking her for granted was more than she could bear. She decides to run away. The world is her plaything, she'll do with it what she likes. She can live anywhere, she has the capabilities. Her name : Accalia.
There I has created a character. Now if only I could write a story. But now that I have a character in mind, I'll dream up the rest I suppose. One day...
I missed my random somewhat weird blogging.
It's good to be back.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Keep in Touch.
I miss you.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
You are my life, my lover, my nemesis, my friend, my confident, my relative, my sister, my brother, my heart break, the glue that keeps me together, the pins in my eyes, the thing devouring my very soul, the soothing rain that saves me, my life blood, my tears, my smile, my everything.
Please, I don't want to let go.
I know one day I have to, but why now?
This is for the people I love, the people I hate and the people I've never even met:
I'm just a girl, trying to scrape by in a world where happiness is determined by what you have, not who you are. I just want to be happy, by being myself. " I don't need a whole lot of money, I don't need a brand new car..." I just want to be myself, and exist, you know... the way I have been. But no, everything is changing. For the better, for the worse, and for the unexpected. I know something good will come out of this, but how long will that take? When will it happen? It's almost depressing, but there's nothing I can do about it. I guess no matter where I go and who I'm with, I'll survive. I've come to accept that. You'll see me again, I can guarantee it, can't get rid of me that easy. I'm OK with this, perhaps it may be hard for some of you to accept, but if I can you can too.
So remember this girl as a girl who lived in the moment, and went with it. She'll be around, and pop up at unexpected moments, but as of this summer she is gone, and yes you'll see her again I'm sure. Be it she never leaves, or she goes far away, she'll be here.
I love you all very very much and no matter where I go I will ALWAYS remember you.
I love you.
Keep in touch.
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
You are my life, my lover, my nemesis, my friend, my confident, my relative, my sister, my brother, my heart break, the glue that keeps me together, the pins in my eyes, the thing devouring my very soul, the soothing rain that saves me, my life blood, my tears, my smile, my everything.
Please, I don't want to let go.
I know one day I have to, but why now?
This is for the people I love, the people I hate and the people I've never even met:
I'm just a girl, trying to scrape by in a world where happiness is determined by what you have, not who you are. I just want to be happy, by being myself. " I don't need a whole lot of money, I don't need a brand new car..." I just want to be myself, and exist, you know... the way I have been. But no, everything is changing. For the better, for the worse, and for the unexpected. I know something good will come out of this, but how long will that take? When will it happen? It's almost depressing, but there's nothing I can do about it. I guess no matter where I go and who I'm with, I'll survive. I've come to accept that. You'll see me again, I can guarantee it, can't get rid of me that easy. I'm OK with this, perhaps it may be hard for some of you to accept, but if I can you can too.
So remember this girl as a girl who lived in the moment, and went with it. She'll be around, and pop up at unexpected moments, but as of this summer she is gone, and yes you'll see her again I'm sure. Be it she never leaves, or she goes far away, she'll be here.
I love you all very very much and no matter where I go I will ALWAYS remember you.
I love you.
Keep in touch.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Time for a change.
My far - out life goes flitting by,
Faster than I can rectify,
The stupid things that I have done
Are all done in the name of fun
But now I find I'm cooling down
No more running all over town
Time to alter the life I've lead
The time is here to keep my head
I need the time to do my work
And not fear the things that lurk
In the shadows of my odd life
Rid myself of torment and strife.
Build my life according to zen
Try not to mess it up again
This is my chance to fix it all
The time has come, I can not stall
Faster than I can rectify,
The stupid things that I have done
Are all done in the name of fun
But now I find I'm cooling down
No more running all over town
Time to alter the life I've lead
The time is here to keep my head
I need the time to do my work
And not fear the things that lurk
In the shadows of my odd life
Rid myself of torment and strife.
Build my life according to zen
Try not to mess it up again
This is my chance to fix it all
The time has come, I can not stall
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Way I See It...
Life as I see it is confusing.
Many good and bad things have happened the last few weeks. I was with a wonderful person, but it was just something I don't feel I could have stayed with. I'm not one for that yet. I feel it's better off this way. As a result of this I feel I may have hurt some feelings and would like to apologize for any pain I may have caused.
Two of my close friends were fighting. I saw both sides of the story, and yet I stayed out of it. It turns out it was for the better, it was not my fight to fight, and I stayed out of it. Good came from this. They talked and see each other's views on it and are now friends again. This makes me happy.
One of my friends is going through a lot of BS. Sure he'll act as if he's OK but I know he isn't. He's hurt and confused, but he'll be alright. I'd like to be there for him more but I'm too busy. I wish him the best though and if he needs to talk he knows where to find me.
I made a new friend. He's a stoner and makes me laugh. End of story.
I've been distant towards the people I love the most. For this I apologize.
Lately I've been getting back in touch with an amazing girl. I missed her so much and didn't know what I had until it was gone. We talked it through and realized that we were both being stupid, although I think she was just saying that. I know it was mostly my bad, but I'm hoping I've changed for the better. I love her more than anything in the world, and without her I'd be nothing. I want her to know how much I love her, for everything she's done and just for being there when I need her. I've seen the errors in my ways and am working to correct them.
School is almost over. This is good. I hate that fucking place, it's not a learning center. It's a prison for the free minded, free spirited hippie children of the present. Over throw the institutions.
I'm done paying for my sax. I own it. It's my most cherished possession.
I'm almost done paying for my life. This is also good. I hate my job, but there's some pretty awesome people starting to work there so it's not too bad. I will quit eventually. When that day comes... too damn bad for my employer.
There are only 8 more days left until I get surgery on my arm. I'm happy about this and a little weirded out because when I first get it done holding the sax will hurt. But at least it won't hurt for random reasons. I also get a cool scar, and my first stitches... Craziness.
So as you can tell I'm in a neutral mood. This is where I'm happiest. I hate being overly happy because it makes people jealous and hate you just to bring you down. Being overly happy sucks. I hate being depressed because then you're just that emo kid with the problems that everyone either fusses over of ignores. Also bad. Neutral is the way to go. Nonchalance is my duty in life. I love it.
I feel lucky.
Many good and bad things have happened the last few weeks. I was with a wonderful person, but it was just something I don't feel I could have stayed with. I'm not one for that yet. I feel it's better off this way. As a result of this I feel I may have hurt some feelings and would like to apologize for any pain I may have caused.
Two of my close friends were fighting. I saw both sides of the story, and yet I stayed out of it. It turns out it was for the better, it was not my fight to fight, and I stayed out of it. Good came from this. They talked and see each other's views on it and are now friends again. This makes me happy.
One of my friends is going through a lot of BS. Sure he'll act as if he's OK but I know he isn't. He's hurt and confused, but he'll be alright. I'd like to be there for him more but I'm too busy. I wish him the best though and if he needs to talk he knows where to find me.
I made a new friend. He's a stoner and makes me laugh. End of story.
I've been distant towards the people I love the most. For this I apologize.
Lately I've been getting back in touch with an amazing girl. I missed her so much and didn't know what I had until it was gone. We talked it through and realized that we were both being stupid, although I think she was just saying that. I know it was mostly my bad, but I'm hoping I've changed for the better. I love her more than anything in the world, and without her I'd be nothing. I want her to know how much I love her, for everything she's done and just for being there when I need her. I've seen the errors in my ways and am working to correct them.
School is almost over. This is good. I hate that fucking place, it's not a learning center. It's a prison for the free minded, free spirited hippie children of the present. Over throw the institutions.
I'm done paying for my sax. I own it. It's my most cherished possession.
I'm almost done paying for my life. This is also good. I hate my job, but there's some pretty awesome people starting to work there so it's not too bad. I will quit eventually. When that day comes... too damn bad for my employer.
There are only 8 more days left until I get surgery on my arm. I'm happy about this and a little weirded out because when I first get it done holding the sax will hurt. But at least it won't hurt for random reasons. I also get a cool scar, and my first stitches... Craziness.
So as you can tell I'm in a neutral mood. This is where I'm happiest. I hate being overly happy because it makes people jealous and hate you just to bring you down. Being overly happy sucks. I hate being depressed because then you're just that emo kid with the problems that everyone either fusses over of ignores. Also bad. Neutral is the way to go. Nonchalance is my duty in life. I love it.
I feel lucky.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
The Passage of Time
Frolic in the spring sun upon the grass
Lie beneath the green weeping willow tree
Close your mournful eyes and let the years pass
Let them slip away with tranquility
Live until the days of rest claim your soul
Feel the wondrous emotions in your veins
Sorrow, joy, elation, anger and dole
Until your essence is riddled with pains
Dream silently during the times of peace
Hauntingly scream in moments of anguish
Wake not until the frightful visions cease
Make that your one and only final wish
Think about it until that final night
Take your last breath with knowledge and insight.
Lie beneath the green weeping willow tree
Close your mournful eyes and let the years pass
Let them slip away with tranquility
Live until the days of rest claim your soul
Feel the wondrous emotions in your veins
Sorrow, joy, elation, anger and dole
Until your essence is riddled with pains
Dream silently during the times of peace
Hauntingly scream in moments of anguish
Wake not until the frightful visions cease
Make that your one and only final wish
Think about it until that final night
Take your last breath with knowledge and insight.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Mad World
OK. Fashion images make me sick. Look at the world today!! Honestly! What is this? Why are our ideals of beauty so distorted?! It's the fucking media. Why the hell do we have to look like a model to even be "half decent". There was a time young girls didn't have to worry about make up, jewelry, or slutty outfits. They could just be kids and no one would discriminate them for being like that. This world makes me want to throw up... Which brings me to another topic.
Now this portion is for the 11 year old strippers I see everyday near the elementrys. YOU ARE 11 YEARS OLD. You don't need to sell your body to make boys like you. Give them a smile and go play soccer with them, get dirty, be a kid. Take off the fake boobs and wear a fucking T- shirt and some runners. Live life while you can, because honestly it passes by WAY too fast.
When did the obsession of large boobs and tight underwear start? There was a time when Pam Anderson's boobs would have driven away every man within a 20 mile radius. They weren't considered beautiful then, and in my opinion they sure as hell are NOT beautiful now. THAT'S GROSS. WHY WOULD YOU WILLINGLY PUT PLASTIC INTO YOUR BODY?!?!?! I hope it rots. That would be a riot.
I don't think I'll waste anymore time ranting on this topic. Cause yeah, I could go on for DAYS. I'll just leave you all with some images and tag lines that I think should go along with them.
And that concludes my rant on body image... this is the first one I've done but I see it's quite long winded, so it might have a sequel. I guess we'll see in the future. Keep you all posted.
STOP VOMITING YOU BULIMIC WHORES. LOOK AT YOURSELVES! THAT IS NOT ATTRACTIVE.
Ugh. Diet pills, anorexia, bulimia, corsets... fuck. This is so gross. Why? If you're fat and don't want to be fat, get your lazy ass off the couch and eat some veggies while taking your dog for a walk or something. If you're fat and are perfectly comfortable with being so, then stay that way. NO ONE should be able to tell you what you should look like. That is up to you. Not everyone else.
Now this portion is for the 11 year old strippers I see everyday near the elementrys. YOU ARE 11 YEARS OLD. You don't need to sell your body to make boys like you. Give them a smile and go play soccer with them, get dirty, be a kid. Take off the fake boobs and wear a fucking T- shirt and some runners. Live life while you can, because honestly it passes by WAY too fast.
When did the obsession of large boobs and tight underwear start? There was a time when Pam Anderson's boobs would have driven away every man within a 20 mile radius. They weren't considered beautiful then, and in my opinion they sure as hell are NOT beautiful now. THAT'S GROSS. WHY WOULD YOU WILLINGLY PUT PLASTIC INTO YOUR BODY?!?!?! I hope it rots. That would be a riot.
It's not like this just for women either though. Men have it rough too. When did us girls get it in our heads that we want muscle headed jocks who think with the brains below their belts? Guys don't need to be extremely muscular to be worth anything. I mean, just use the brain (in your heads) and perhaps you'd be better off. That's just terrible.
I don't think I'll waste anymore time ranting on this topic. Cause yeah, I could go on for DAYS. I'll just leave you all with some images and tag lines that I think should go along with them.
I'd like to call this one "Fashion Hurts" only because that's what it was tagged as on some other website I was looking at before I wrote this. I think more people should see images like this. I love the symbolism.
This one we shall call "Look At Me Now" Barbie is one of THE WORST influences on body image as far as young girls go. Well look all you like girls. Do you find that attractive? Do you want to look like that? No? Didn't think so. Well Barbie is unrealistic, I think this picture just demonstrates exactly how unrealistic it TRULY is.
The one on the left I could title. "PLEASE PASS THE 'ROIDS"
What are these people thinking?! That is just disgusting.
Just... no. Bad.
"Twelve
year old body
, 25 year old woman"
(On the right)
Unless you
want to get mistaken for
a child, ladies
don't do this to yourself. I
don't find ribs very good looking... and
face it... she's.
Ugh. WHY?!?!?It's so pointless!
year old body
, 25 year old woman"
(On the right)
Unless you
want to get mistaken for
a child, ladies
don't do this to yourself. I
don't find ribs very good looking... and
face it... she's.
Ugh. WHY?!?!?It's so pointless!
And that concludes my rant on body image... this is the first one I've done but I see it's quite long winded, so it might have a sequel. I guess we'll see in the future. Keep you all posted.
Friday, June 1, 2007
Elated.
You are beautiful.
When I think of you I smile.
More than a life time to say "How are you?"
Times have changed.
In my life I love you more.
When the day is done I still have you.
Life will continue on.
But my world would be silent and grey.
Without you.
I listen to songs and remember how we sang
Out of tune and louder than humanly possible
They make me, laugh.
They make me cry.
There's a time for both.
There's time.
For daring to dream.
Smelling the flowers.
Lying in the rain.
Laughing in the park.
Crying for help.
Love.
There is time.
With you.
Don't ever try to be someone you're not.
I love you for you.
We get in trouble.
We get out of trouble.
We lie.
We laugh about it.
We fight.
We apologize.
We get depressed.
We talk it out.
We've loved and have lost.
We get picked on.
We laugh about that too.
Because we know that as long as we have each other it balances out.
My fellow miscreant maverick renegade;
This is for you.
<3
When I think of you I smile.
More than a life time to say "How are you?"
Times have changed.
In my life I love you more.
When the day is done I still have you.
Life will continue on.
But my world would be silent and grey.
Without you.
I listen to songs and remember how we sang
Out of tune and louder than humanly possible
They make me, laugh.
They make me cry.
There's a time for both.
There's time.
For daring to dream.
Smelling the flowers.
Lying in the rain.
Laughing in the park.
Crying for help.
Love.
There is time.
With you.
Don't ever try to be someone you're not.
I love you for you.
We get in trouble.
We get out of trouble.
We lie.
We laugh about it.
We fight.
We apologize.
We get depressed.
We talk it out.
We've loved and have lost.
We get picked on.
We laugh about that too.
Because we know that as long as we have each other it balances out.
My fellow miscreant maverick renegade;
This is for you.
<3
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
What Happened?
Well I haven't written in a while, but I've been having a hard time of it all. I don't know what's happening in my life, everything is changing far too fast for me to catch up.
I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss for words to even just describe it. My friends are all so distant I love them all so much but I can't talk to them. Whenever I really need someone to talk to there's no one around. I just don't understand what's happening. I'm beginning to hate going to school, hate being around people and just in general hate being alive. It could just be stress, I think. But I'm not sure anymore. I'm afraid of myself, of the world around me and of everyone else.
I just want to exist simply, or not at all. Why do I have to feel this confusion? What's the point of being alive if you hate it so much. I'm so confused. I don't even know if I'm depressed or not. I'm just...here. Existing in a surreal way. Please get out of my rut and leave me be. I don't know what you want from me I just want to be.
Where do I fit in with this grand scheme?
I'm so afraid.
I just don't understand anyone or anything anymore.
There's nothing left.
Bury me in the winter.
I don't know what to do, I'm at a loss for words to even just describe it. My friends are all so distant I love them all so much but I can't talk to them. Whenever I really need someone to talk to there's no one around. I just don't understand what's happening. I'm beginning to hate going to school, hate being around people and just in general hate being alive. It could just be stress, I think. But I'm not sure anymore. I'm afraid of myself, of the world around me and of everyone else.
I just want to exist simply, or not at all. Why do I have to feel this confusion? What's the point of being alive if you hate it so much. I'm so confused. I don't even know if I'm depressed or not. I'm just...here. Existing in a surreal way. Please get out of my rut and leave me be. I don't know what you want from me I just want to be.
Where do I fit in with this grand scheme?
I'm so afraid.
I just don't understand anyone or anything anymore.
There's nothing left.
Bury me in the winter.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Reoccuring Dream
Awake, open your eyes.
Breathe, take to the skies.
Lost and have loved.
Blind and have seen.
Spinning. Screaming. Falling.
Out of Control.
I fall into your arms.
And awake again.
Breathe, take to the skies.
Lost and have loved.
Blind and have seen.
Spinning. Screaming. Falling.
Out of Control.
I fall into your arms.
And awake again.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Song of the Tempest.
The clouds scamper across the sky
as skittish horses from a storm
A mournful wolf cries
as the wind dashes between the trees
Raindrops begin their descent
as burning tears well from her soul
The tempest dies and night retreats
revealing her, silent, staring and cold
as skittish horses from a storm
A mournful wolf cries
as the wind dashes between the trees
Raindrops begin their descent
as burning tears well from her soul
The tempest dies and night retreats
revealing her, silent, staring and cold
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
First day as 15.
OK here we go. It's a new month, and it's due time for another post. I don't know, I've been really down lately. Too much stress for one insignificant girl. I felt I had cracked at one point, and almost went to pieces several times that day. The only thing that kept me going was looking forewords to today. I had a fantastic day, the best in weeks. It's such a sharp contrast, to go from manically depressed to happy. Let me explain.
Today is my birthday. No I'm not happy from material gain, truth be told I haven't even got anything yet. That's not what makes me happy though, money may buy some happiness, but not me. I'm not that type of girl. I started off today on 11 hours of sleep, a very decent number for me. I don't sleep often. I took two math tests, and received 80% on both, also quite decent. Caught the bus and went down to Bowness, where I met up with my friend Nathan. We just hung out, without worrying about anything. Just simply talking playing guitar and laughing while wandering aimlessly around Bowness (which in my opinion has great scenery, I'd like to take a camera around there sometime). This is the best I've felt in weeks. And I owe it all to Nate and a few hours of fun. It is now almost ten in the evening and I haven't done any homework. Somehow I don't care, I just don't think I should do it. I have no desire to rid myself of this elation I'm feeling. I'll come crashing down soon, but for the time being...
Josi Spencer is not depressed.
And she is loving it.
(And Nate, I hope my dad didn't scare you lmao)
Today is my birthday. No I'm not happy from material gain, truth be told I haven't even got anything yet. That's not what makes me happy though, money may buy some happiness, but not me. I'm not that type of girl. I started off today on 11 hours of sleep, a very decent number for me. I don't sleep often. I took two math tests, and received 80% on both, also quite decent. Caught the bus and went down to Bowness, where I met up with my friend Nathan. We just hung out, without worrying about anything. Just simply talking playing guitar and laughing while wandering aimlessly around Bowness (which in my opinion has great scenery, I'd like to take a camera around there sometime). This is the best I've felt in weeks. And I owe it all to Nate and a few hours of fun. It is now almost ten in the evening and I haven't done any homework. Somehow I don't care, I just don't think I should do it. I have no desire to rid myself of this elation I'm feeling. I'll come crashing down soon, but for the time being...
Josi Spencer is not depressed.
And she is loving it.
(And Nate, I hope my dad didn't scare you lmao)
Monday, April 16, 2007
Silly Love songs?
Well it's 1:09, and there's nothing to do. So I feel like channelling everything I think into one blog post. I doubt any of this will make sense. There is no order to my thoughts to don't discern yourself and create one.
Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly, awesome violin. I love his voice, it's so beautiful. I wish I lived in the 60's. My shirt is pink and has Tinkerbell on it with some cheer leading reference. Take that David. Wow my hands are covered in scars. I hear laundry. BEEP BEEP. Oh minor chords... tension. Astronomy Divine. Mm mm tasty song. If I fell into unconsciousness would you be the first thing I see when I wake up? No you wouldn't. I wouldn't wake up. Do we really need a plan? I hear people moving upstairs. Oh my, that's troublesome. When is the window open to cornflakes? Who the hell is sneaking around! I own this house after midnight! No one should be moving unless I say so. I'm too lazy to investigate... I think it's just the dog... and the laundry. I should go and take a shower but I have to make sure my parents are asleep first. Not all acrostic poems suck.
Try and get through to me.
Only then will you see.
Really, nothing is there.
Nothing more than despair.
Even syllables and it rhymes. Eat it. There's a legend that once said that bread would rule the Earth. I intend to defy that legend. I'm not sure if it's the sugar, caffeine or pain in my right knee cap talking but I think you're sexy. I have large teeth. They scare me and hurt if I accidentally or purposely bite myself. I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here...
I don't think writing more would be wise. I might cause someones head to explode.
Why would she treat us so thoughtlessly, awesome violin. I love his voice, it's so beautiful. I wish I lived in the 60's. My shirt is pink and has Tinkerbell on it with some cheer leading reference. Take that David. Wow my hands are covered in scars. I hear laundry. BEEP BEEP. Oh minor chords... tension. Astronomy Divine. Mm mm tasty song. If I fell into unconsciousness would you be the first thing I see when I wake up? No you wouldn't. I wouldn't wake up. Do we really need a plan? I hear people moving upstairs. Oh my, that's troublesome. When is the window open to cornflakes? Who the hell is sneaking around! I own this house after midnight! No one should be moving unless I say so. I'm too lazy to investigate... I think it's just the dog... and the laundry. I should go and take a shower but I have to make sure my parents are asleep first. Not all acrostic poems suck.
Try and get through to me.
Only then will you see.
Really, nothing is there.
Nothing more than despair.
Even syllables and it rhymes. Eat it. There's a legend that once said that bread would rule the Earth. I intend to defy that legend. I'm not sure if it's the sugar, caffeine or pain in my right knee cap talking but I think you're sexy. I have large teeth. They scare me and hurt if I accidentally or purposely bite myself. I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here...
I don't think writing more would be wise. I might cause someones head to explode.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
I’m Looking Through You.
“Fuck.”
It was the only word she knew to express how she was feeling. Sure she could have tried something more subtle, but it wouldn’t have had the same effect. Fuck was such a marvelous word, it could describe almost anything.
“Life is short, there’s no time for this. So why bother?” Her question rang in her ears as she spoke these seemingly harmless words.
Earlier that evening she had been a little depressed, perhaps it was the damp early spring weather, or maybe it was the utter feeling of self loathing. She didn’t know why she felt like this. She just knew that something wasn’t right. She had been alone and she had tried to figure out why she always came back to the same conclusion. There was no happiness left in the world today. She decided to shake it off and try to enjoy her evening.
That is until she got home, where everything went to hell.
She immediately got on the computer to do her homework, and noticed her friend who had seemed so optimistic earlier that day was more depressed than ever. She tried to make him feel better, by just talking it out. To put it bluntly, she was told to fuck off.
She did not let this little passing get in her way of accomplishing something. She did almost all her homework, and then her friend started talking to her again. He explained why he was so despondent earlier and it turned out that he had some problems of his own, go figure. She decided not to tell him about hers for it would just upset him even more.
Then it happened. Her best friend struck up a conversation.
It was going rather well, until her best friend stopped talking. When she asked what was wrong, her friend innocently replied, “Oh it’s nothing, never mind.”
Her intuition kicked in, something was wrong, and when asked to elaborate she was handed this as a response.
“I don’t know, its better not. Well I’m complaining about you, but I can sort it out on my own.”
This intrigued her. Why would her best friend be bitching about her? Was it something she did? She drew a blank. So she asked, and was told.
“It’s nothing you did. It’s just… Ah never mind.”
The conversation after that was best left not repeated. Her friend always felt second to her, which was sad, because she always felt like shit. She couldn’t imagine what her friend must feel like. She argued her point but it was to no avail, this just infuriated her friend to the point where she logged off without warning.
Now she was in a state which goes beyond all moral depression, this was manic. She sat there for what seemed like a long time, staring blankly at the wall. Her friend felt like shit while she was alive, her fucking parents were pathetic and on top of all that she had grown to hate herself. There was nothing left to live for.
She glanced at the clock on the screen which read 11:22 pm. Perfect. Just before midnight.
She slid out of her chair and walked to the door, turned the handle and stared off into the night. It was sleeting, rain and snowflakes splattering against the hard concrete. Her situation reminded her of a song by the Beatles called, I’m Looking through You. She loved that song. And somehow it reached out to her, she didn’t even notice slipping into her coat and sneaking out the front door.
The night air was crisp. The sky continued to release it’s torrent of confusion towards the earth. She noticed none of this, as tears blurred her eyes and she stumbled onwards.
She stood looking over the highway, feeling the cruel wind upon her face and listening to the traffic below, and she thought back to the song.
“I’m looking through you, where did you go. I though I knew you, what did I know. You don’t look different but you have changed. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same.”
Life is short, there’s no time for this. So why bother?! She silently screamed, as she flung herself into the on coming traffic.
The last thing she heard were strains of dreamy music consuming her like a psychotropic drug.
“The only difference is you’re down there. I’m looking through you, and you’re nowhere.”
Somewhere in the distance a siren wailed it’s mournful tune.
It was the only word she knew to express how she was feeling. Sure she could have tried something more subtle, but it wouldn’t have had the same effect. Fuck was such a marvelous word, it could describe almost anything.
“Life is short, there’s no time for this. So why bother?” Her question rang in her ears as she spoke these seemingly harmless words.
Earlier that evening she had been a little depressed, perhaps it was the damp early spring weather, or maybe it was the utter feeling of self loathing. She didn’t know why she felt like this. She just knew that something wasn’t right. She had been alone and she had tried to figure out why she always came back to the same conclusion. There was no happiness left in the world today. She decided to shake it off and try to enjoy her evening.
That is until she got home, where everything went to hell.
She immediately got on the computer to do her homework, and noticed her friend who had seemed so optimistic earlier that day was more depressed than ever. She tried to make him feel better, by just talking it out. To put it bluntly, she was told to fuck off.
She did not let this little passing get in her way of accomplishing something. She did almost all her homework, and then her friend started talking to her again. He explained why he was so despondent earlier and it turned out that he had some problems of his own, go figure. She decided not to tell him about hers for it would just upset him even more.
Then it happened. Her best friend struck up a conversation.
It was going rather well, until her best friend stopped talking. When she asked what was wrong, her friend innocently replied, “Oh it’s nothing, never mind.”
Her intuition kicked in, something was wrong, and when asked to elaborate she was handed this as a response.
“I don’t know, its better not. Well I’m complaining about you, but I can sort it out on my own.”
This intrigued her. Why would her best friend be bitching about her? Was it something she did? She drew a blank. So she asked, and was told.
“It’s nothing you did. It’s just… Ah never mind.”
The conversation after that was best left not repeated. Her friend always felt second to her, which was sad, because she always felt like shit. She couldn’t imagine what her friend must feel like. She argued her point but it was to no avail, this just infuriated her friend to the point where she logged off without warning.
Now she was in a state which goes beyond all moral depression, this was manic. She sat there for what seemed like a long time, staring blankly at the wall. Her friend felt like shit while she was alive, her fucking parents were pathetic and on top of all that she had grown to hate herself. There was nothing left to live for.
She glanced at the clock on the screen which read 11:22 pm. Perfect. Just before midnight.
She slid out of her chair and walked to the door, turned the handle and stared off into the night. It was sleeting, rain and snowflakes splattering against the hard concrete. Her situation reminded her of a song by the Beatles called, I’m Looking through You. She loved that song. And somehow it reached out to her, she didn’t even notice slipping into her coat and sneaking out the front door.
The night air was crisp. The sky continued to release it’s torrent of confusion towards the earth. She noticed none of this, as tears blurred her eyes and she stumbled onwards.
She stood looking over the highway, feeling the cruel wind upon her face and listening to the traffic below, and she thought back to the song.
“I’m looking through you, where did you go. I though I knew you, what did I know. You don’t look different but you have changed. I’m looking through you, you’re not the same.”
Life is short, there’s no time for this. So why bother?! She silently screamed, as she flung herself into the on coming traffic.
The last thing she heard were strains of dreamy music consuming her like a psychotropic drug.
“The only difference is you’re down there. I’m looking through you, and you’re nowhere.”
Somewhere in the distance a siren wailed it’s mournful tune.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Fuck.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
My advice don't worry about it, so what do I do? I fucking worry. No more just letting it slide. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?!?! I SHOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK BUT WITH ALL THE PRESSURE OF LIVING I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB MYSELF.
Here's what I'm thinking at the moment.
That fucking bitch. I can't listen to this song right now, I'll fucking cry. There's something that's fucking tearing my worthless heart out. I'm going to fucking kill her. Why do people do this to me? Why is it that I have to try and fix everything. Why won't she just accept what I'm saying is true. I want to bash my head against a wall until blood pours out my ears and deafens me to the world. I am so pissed off. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC. Just go and throw myself off the fucking overpass. WHAT IS WITH HER?!?!?!?! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. THIS IS SO INFURIATING. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB* SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBB.GOD FUCK SHIT HELL PISS BITCH WHORE ASS FUUUUUCK.
Oh my god strike me down now. I'm such a useless bitch. Ugh if there were something to do I would but I can't cause no one will let me in to help. I. AM. SLOWLY. KILLING. MYSELF. IT'S. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. THAT. I WORRY. FOR. YOUR. WELL. BEING. I am neurotic, and calling yourself down is NOT helping. You ARE the reason I live. Just. *sigh* I can't do this. I'm just not going to get into this. *pulls out gun*
Shoot me now.
I think I need a hug.
My advice don't worry about it, so what do I do? I fucking worry. No more just letting it slide. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?!?! I SHOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK BUT WITH ALL THE PRESSURE OF LIVING I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB MYSELF.
Here's what I'm thinking at the moment.
That fucking bitch. I can't listen to this song right now, I'll fucking cry. There's something that's fucking tearing my worthless heart out. I'm going to fucking kill her. Why do people do this to me? Why is it that I have to try and fix everything. Why won't she just accept what I'm saying is true. I want to bash my head against a wall until blood pours out my ears and deafens me to the world. I am so pissed off. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC. Just go and throw myself off the fucking overpass. WHAT IS WITH HER?!?!?!?! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. THIS IS SO INFURIATING. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB* SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBB.GOD FUCK SHIT HELL PISS BITCH WHORE ASS FUUUUUCK.
Oh my god strike me down now. I'm such a useless bitch. Ugh if there were something to do I would but I can't cause no one will let me in to help. I. AM. SLOWLY. KILLING. MYSELF. IT'S. NOT. YOUR. FAULT. THAT. I WORRY. FOR. YOUR. WELL. BEING. I am neurotic, and calling yourself down is NOT helping. You ARE the reason I live. Just. *sigh* I can't do this. I'm just not going to get into this. *pulls out gun*
Shoot me now.
I think I need a hug.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Cinnamon Spice Muffin
"Bananas are a lot like traffic lights," said the old man to his son. "With traffic lights green means go, yellow means slow, and red means stop, now you see, with bananas it's the opposite. Green means stop, yellow means slow, and red means... HOLLY EGGPLANT!!! WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT BANANA?!?!?!" At this point the young boy pulls out a red banana, and well you can only guess what kind of mayhem that caused.
If you are reading this you can probably tell reality and me don't get along so well. We are at odds you might say, so I intend on beating reality with a stick and jabbing it with a spork until it either goes away or self implodes. The fact that we manage to exist in the same realm astounds me, but somehow I will prevail, and reality will cease to exist.
I am a cinnamon spice muffin!!! Not a blueberry muffin, not a chocolate muffin, not a lemon poppy seed muffin. Cinnamon spice!!! Just plain old cinnamon spice, got a problem with that? *menacing glare* That's right, didn't think so.
The plutonium of the plum filled gargoyles will inhabit the earth if not carefully monitored!!! And what's more is that they want to hijack all cinnamon spice muffins!!! I'm allergic to plum! What's a poor little muffin to do? I could perform the vanishing act but what fun is that? Although... being a cinnamon spice muffin, I taste pretty darn good *bites hand and chews thoughtfully* Well there's no other way out of this mess.
*proceeds to eat entire self until all that remains is a mouth*
Well, this sucks.
If you are reading this you can probably tell reality and me don't get along so well. We are at odds you might say, so I intend on beating reality with a stick and jabbing it with a spork until it either goes away or self implodes. The fact that we manage to exist in the same realm astounds me, but somehow I will prevail, and reality will cease to exist.
I am a cinnamon spice muffin!!! Not a blueberry muffin, not a chocolate muffin, not a lemon poppy seed muffin. Cinnamon spice!!! Just plain old cinnamon spice, got a problem with that? *menacing glare* That's right, didn't think so.
The plutonium of the plum filled gargoyles will inhabit the earth if not carefully monitored!!! And what's more is that they want to hijack all cinnamon spice muffins!!! I'm allergic to plum! What's a poor little muffin to do? I could perform the vanishing act but what fun is that? Although... being a cinnamon spice muffin, I taste pretty darn good *bites hand and chews thoughtfully* Well there's no other way out of this mess.
*proceeds to eat entire self until all that remains is a mouth*
Well, this sucks.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
In the end, You're Blue.
So I've had a pretty odd day. Receiving several surprises, one including my supervisor calling me a whore cause we have music on our bell and then listening to him impersonate a bell buzzing for nearly ten minutes. New instrument!!! I don't know what it is, but I'm excited, within the next two months it shall be mine!!! Lemme explain, it's like a clarinet, the fingerings are very much the same, but it's made of silver and it doesn't come apart into pieces. It's like a soprano sax, but well like I said, the clarinet features... So for now I call it a saxinet. Lmao at work, my supervisor is DUMB. OK I'm seriously the brains behind all this, I mean he's the supervisor yet I outwit him get to the till first and make him do the grunt work, not exactly a smart cookie. I was explaining the mechanics of Mary had a Little Lamb to him in a series of sung Duts when he says to me...
Him : Purple (how fitting) Me: blue (equally suiting)
"Wait there's no Dut in Mary had a little lamb, it's about Mary, not Dut, got it straight?"
"Dut is a homosexual, I don't think he's got it straight"
"The hell with that!"
"He's also catholic!"
"Then he can burn with Satan!"
"Would you believe he's a catholic Satanist?"
"...What?"
Poor kid, he's so dumb....and deaf for that matter, and yet somehow he has a girlfriend *shakes head* OK now perhaps I should write something of interest? But honestly do I have anything interesting to write...
Other than about my awesome tinfoil hat protecting me from dem shpace deenosawers... Oh my god!!! My room!!! I've left it unprotected!!! They could be getting into my stas-- I mean.... *runs upstairs and tapes coat hangers to the ceiling, and reappears in giant tinfoil suit* Aha ha! Take that!!! *throws rose thorns in general direction of pizza hut while hovering over the sea of banana peels*
See my vivid imagination is at work again, one of these days it's going to get me in a lot of trouble, I should know better, I mean what if I accidentally stumbled onto some thing's dastardly plot to purge the earth of all life my mind would be wiped blan--
I love you my darling! *blows kisses at palm tree* And one for you too!!! *spins in circles while avoiding hot coal beds* OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!? *stares at sky as space dinosaur flies over* Oh no!!! Me tinfoil hat!!! *breaks down sobbing*
*Wakes 4000 years later and steps out of cryogenic freezer only to discover all of earths oxygen has been converted to liquid nitrogen, and that after all that toil, one could not breathe.*
*Turns blue (er) and dies*
Him : Purple (how fitting) Me: blue (equally suiting)
"Wait there's no Dut in Mary had a little lamb, it's about Mary, not Dut, got it straight?"
"Dut is a homosexual, I don't think he's got it straight"
"The hell with that!"
"He's also catholic!"
"Then he can burn with Satan!"
"Would you believe he's a catholic Satanist?"
"...What?"
Poor kid, he's so dumb....and deaf for that matter, and yet somehow he has a girlfriend *shakes head* OK now perhaps I should write something of interest? But honestly do I have anything interesting to write...
Other than about my awesome tinfoil hat protecting me from dem shpace deenosawers... Oh my god!!! My room!!! I've left it unprotected!!! They could be getting into my stas-- I mean.... *runs upstairs and tapes coat hangers to the ceiling, and reappears in giant tinfoil suit* Aha ha! Take that!!! *throws rose thorns in general direction of pizza hut while hovering over the sea of banana peels*
See my vivid imagination is at work again, one of these days it's going to get me in a lot of trouble, I should know better, I mean what if I accidentally stumbled onto some thing's dastardly plot to purge the earth of all life my mind would be wiped blan--
I love you my darling! *blows kisses at palm tree* And one for you too!!! *spins in circles while avoiding hot coal beds* OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!? *stares at sky as space dinosaur flies over* Oh no!!! Me tinfoil hat!!! *breaks down sobbing*
*Wakes 4000 years later and steps out of cryogenic freezer only to discover all of earths oxygen has been converted to liquid nitrogen, and that after all that toil, one could not breathe.*
*Turns blue (er) and dies*
Friday, March 23, 2007
Late nights?
Well here I am sitting up at the computer around midnight. I just woke up from a yummy 5 hour nap which I very much enjoyed but I'm kinda upset that I won't be getting much sleep because of the cursed nap. Oh well. Now I need to think of something articulate to say, other than I feel like nachos. Which I very much do, I'm so hungry, I missed dinner cause I was sleeping. So I think when I'm done posting whatever random crap I can think of. I'm getting nachos...
oh I feel a rant coming on.
Now you see I only post because I'm a slave to society and god knows they don't do anything for me, so then I wonder, if they do nothing for me, should I still exist. I have come to the conclusion that, no, I should not exist, they should have killed me by now. What with all those secret organisations plotting against us, it's a wonder the world hasn't been purged and raped by giant space dinosaurs. God. But something keeps them from doing so. I think it's that some of us have stumbled upon their secrets and spread them like fleas spread the black death. They don't like that. They track us down and eventually we cease to exist. Sure I may be writing this now, but you'll see they'll come for me and soon I will vanish like a whisper upon a wrathful wind. This is my last hope to get the knowledge out into the world before it's too late! Ah! Some one just knocked on the door? Dare I answer in this state of paranoia? No. *Puts on tinfoil hat* AHAHAHA! Read my thoughts and track me down now!!!
... I still feel like nachos.
I think I should be a science fiction writer. I don't think I've ever really attempted a good sci- fi... or a sci-fi rant at that. But I don't think that there are too many people who have. Is that sci-fi anyways? I think the concept might be, but in all reality I have no idea. Therefore I shall label it sci - fi.
Dare I say anything about my life? Nah nothing special has happened... perhaps after band camp this weekend there shall be a bit more to report. Reminding me that I still have to get my nachos and make my awesome lunch for tomorrow (consisting of less than awesome stuff, although I might go for cold rice). Well then I think I shall do that and watch some TV until I'm tired enough to go back to sleep, or you know I could just induce sleep, but what fun is that?
Night all.
By the by, Steph did you enjoy the rosy pinkness of this posty ici?
oh I feel a rant coming on.
Now you see I only post because I'm a slave to society and god knows they don't do anything for me, so then I wonder, if they do nothing for me, should I still exist. I have come to the conclusion that, no, I should not exist, they should have killed me by now. What with all those secret organisations plotting against us, it's a wonder the world hasn't been purged and raped by giant space dinosaurs. God. But something keeps them from doing so. I think it's that some of us have stumbled upon their secrets and spread them like fleas spread the black death. They don't like that. They track us down and eventually we cease to exist. Sure I may be writing this now, but you'll see they'll come for me and soon I will vanish like a whisper upon a wrathful wind. This is my last hope to get the knowledge out into the world before it's too late! Ah! Some one just knocked on the door? Dare I answer in this state of paranoia? No. *Puts on tinfoil hat* AHAHAHA! Read my thoughts and track me down now!!!
... I still feel like nachos.
I think I should be a science fiction writer. I don't think I've ever really attempted a good sci- fi... or a sci-fi rant at that. But I don't think that there are too many people who have. Is that sci-fi anyways? I think the concept might be, but in all reality I have no idea. Therefore I shall label it sci - fi.
Dare I say anything about my life? Nah nothing special has happened... perhaps after band camp this weekend there shall be a bit more to report. Reminding me that I still have to get my nachos and make my awesome lunch for tomorrow (consisting of less than awesome stuff, although I might go for cold rice). Well then I think I shall do that and watch some TV until I'm tired enough to go back to sleep, or you know I could just induce sleep, but what fun is that?
Night all.
By the by, Steph did you enjoy the rosy pinkness of this posty ici?
Monday, March 19, 2007
The Siege of Boredom
Health. What a dull subject. So today I decided that during health I would work on my ELA, a much more interesting subject. I love ELA (English Language arts for you non french type people). Anyways the assignment was to get 12 words out of a long list of gay words that we have to learn how to spell into a story that can range anywhere from 200 to 300 words. This took me...15 minutes approx, I hope you enjoy the retardedness of my mind.
Once there was an old man who was having a boring day. And then it happened. A bird dived out of nowhere and stole his left sandal.
“Whatever shall I do?” He moaned as he wrapped the other sandal in a handkerchief and shoved it into his pocket. “The day of remembrance is tomorrow and I have to get new shoes!”
Just then his missing sandal flew like a missile over his head, incidentally imitating the bird.
The old man made a desperate attempt to run after his airborne sandal, when he tripped upon a patch of broccoli causing him to loose several teeth.
“Dratted broccoli, just for that for that I shall barbeque you and turn you into chili!” He screamed, as he threw a head shaped cantaloupe at the dastardly patch of emerald broccoli.
After his lack of success while trying to catch his fleeting sandal and tormenting the patch broccoli he was in a foul mood and highly irascible. He flew into a rage and screamed complete gibberish about sandals and broccoli, until the paramedics came took him away to the nut house. He was then given a pretty white jacket and lived broccoli and sandal free for the rest of his days.
The bolded words are the words I had to include in my story. Anyways... I now have to go and complete a 5 hour shift at work...after being at school all day (7-2:39) Gross eh? Well yeah I'd add more detail to my post but I just can't today.
I'd also like to add I cut my hair. All by myself, cause I wanted a hair cut and didn't have any money so....now my mom is paying to get it touched up. If you ever want your parents to pay for something, do it yourself first in a way that they'll despise.... I kinda like it this way, lol i can't see very well though... it's almost emo bangs ahahaha!!!!
Once there was an old man who was having a boring day. And then it happened. A bird dived out of nowhere and stole his left sandal.
“Whatever shall I do?” He moaned as he wrapped the other sandal in a handkerchief and shoved it into his pocket. “The day of remembrance is tomorrow and I have to get new shoes!”
Just then his missing sandal flew like a missile over his head, incidentally imitating the bird.
The old man made a desperate attempt to run after his airborne sandal, when he tripped upon a patch of broccoli causing him to loose several teeth.
“Dratted broccoli, just for that for that I shall barbeque you and turn you into chili!” He screamed, as he threw a head shaped cantaloupe at the dastardly patch of emerald broccoli.
After his lack of success while trying to catch his fleeting sandal and tormenting the patch broccoli he was in a foul mood and highly irascible. He flew into a rage and screamed complete gibberish about sandals and broccoli, until the paramedics came took him away to the nut house. He was then given a pretty white jacket and lived broccoli and sandal free for the rest of his days.
The bolded words are the words I had to include in my story. Anyways... I now have to go and complete a 5 hour shift at work...after being at school all day (7-2:39) Gross eh? Well yeah I'd add more detail to my post but I just can't today.
I'd also like to add I cut my hair. All by myself, cause I wanted a hair cut and didn't have any money so....now my mom is paying to get it touched up. If you ever want your parents to pay for something, do it yourself first in a way that they'll despise.... I kinda like it this way, lol i can't see very well though... it's almost emo bangs ahahaha!!!!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I am Your Rock
To me everyone does turn
In hopes I can help ease their pain
No one ever seems to learn
Never have I been truly sane
It hurts to see your despair
As your eyes overflow with tears
I tell you how much I care
And try to rid you of your fears
What about my depression
Lurking inside my troubled mind
Suppressing my aggression
Biting my lip and being kind
It's not easy like you think
To live everyday in a haze
Just to live on the very brink
Thinking in self destructive ways
I cling to my hated life
To avoid hurting those I love
Pain cutting me like a knife
Sacrifice I never dreamed of
Not as strong as you believe
I still rest in a state of shock
But I manage to deceive
I collapse now, I am your rock
~...~...~...~...~...~...~...~...
In hopes I can help ease their pain
No one ever seems to learn
Never have I been truly sane
It hurts to see your despair
As your eyes overflow with tears
I tell you how much I care
And try to rid you of your fears
What about my depression
Lurking inside my troubled mind
Suppressing my aggression
Biting my lip and being kind
It's not easy like you think
To live everyday in a haze
Just to live on the very brink
Thinking in self destructive ways
I cling to my hated life
To avoid hurting those I love
Pain cutting me like a knife
Sacrifice I never dreamed of
Not as strong as you believe
I still rest in a state of shock
But I manage to deceive
I collapse now, I am your rock
~...~...~...~...~...~...~...~...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Green Vegetables and Manslaughter
Voccabiblaiery, yeah that's right you heard me...
Skipping in outdoor ed. I thought that said masterbation...since when did I put that there. Its bright outside. I was sad to see it snow...and then i wrote something else under it. Ew you put "E's" on everything. *gasp* Chili is a very spicy food. Do-ing do-ing do-ing...AHAHAHA Chili, coooolll-is- seee- um. Backspace? No backspace.There thay are all standing in an oopsies. *makes inaudible noises.* Whats an encyclodictionalmanacapedia? How do you shpell that? Brrrrrring!!! Shot up. Frrront accent using a verd. oh its a lock. lock - ness monster. Thriller. Come cumcum...wangdiddle. Incidentally I wore a tutu this morning. What? I did?
~ The brilliant *cough* mind of Stephanie Pan.
And that's a summary of everything I heard within 10 minutes of English Language Arts.
Hmm my day wasn't anything interesting to speak of, other than the horrendous noise I learned how to make on a sax. For anyone out there who can play sax, this is the most annoying sound I think that's possible to make. Hold down your low "C" fingering, and then move your "F" finger. (First one on the bottom...you know your pointer finger?) And it makes...interesting sounds, get a sax and try it I dare you.
Well other than that I have nothing else to say about my day other than I fucking hate my FLA teacher and Will stop at nothing to see her dead. Fuck, it should not be legal to give this much homework, and I have to go to work the next two days. I am NOT impressed. This is bull shit.
Well I'm off to work on my fucking FLA project, so yeah if you have no homework and would like to express this sentiment to me you can take it and shove it.
Skipping in outdoor ed. I thought that said masterbation...since when did I put that there. Its bright outside. I was sad to see it snow...and then i wrote something else under it. Ew you put "E's" on everything. *gasp* Chili is a very spicy food. Do-ing do-ing do-ing...AHAHAHA Chili, coooolll-is- seee- um. Backspace? No backspace.There thay are all standing in an oopsies. *makes inaudible noises.* Whats an encyclodictionalmanacapedia? How do you shpell that? Brrrrrring!!! Shot up. Frrront accent using a verd. oh its a lock. lock - ness monster. Thriller. Come cumcum...wangdiddle. Incidentally I wore a tutu this morning. What? I did?
~ The brilliant *cough* mind of Stephanie Pan.
And that's a summary of everything I heard within 10 minutes of English Language Arts.
Hmm my day wasn't anything interesting to speak of, other than the horrendous noise I learned how to make on a sax. For anyone out there who can play sax, this is the most annoying sound I think that's possible to make. Hold down your low "C" fingering, and then move your "F" finger. (First one on the bottom...you know your pointer finger?) And it makes...interesting sounds, get a sax and try it I dare you.
Well other than that I have nothing else to say about my day other than I fucking hate my FLA teacher and Will stop at nothing to see her dead. Fuck, it should not be legal to give this much homework, and I have to go to work the next two days. I am NOT impressed. This is bull shit.
Well I'm off to work on my fucking FLA project, so yeah if you have no homework and would like to express this sentiment to me you can take it and shove it.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Amazing.
Well, the past few weeks have been a wild ride. Hectic, almost. Extreme highs, and rock bottoms within the course of two weeks can leave oneself exhausted. I mean honestly the trauma is insane. I suppose it all started Tuesday the 20th of February.
On Tuesday I attended an early morning rehearsal for jazz, which went swimmingly, the next day our jazz band competed in festival which we just found out we won a gold award. Yay. The next day was a Thursday, where I had an early morning rehearsal for concert band which went less swimmingly as hoped, and a rehearsal in the evening for CRUB, which was fantastic as usual.
Friday there was no school but I had to go anyways cause our concert band was competing in Festival, we haven't got the results yet, but I doubt that we did as good as jazz, and then yet another CRUB rehearsal in the evening, where we started blocking our show.
Saturday was interesting. I have an evil chart (I'm going to say #3 but it could be #2) I hate sliding. It's evil. Blocking is loads of fun, even if people *cough David cough* are running into you and you're missing steps and whatnot. I have discovered the guys at band can be cruel. My knees are terrible, that I have also deduced. Saturday left me exhausted, and Sunday was pretty much the same, with a little less marching...and less marching space, thus forth resulting me walking into a window, lovely. Sunday evening I tried downhill skiing for the first time. Steph was scarred for life, I on the other hand had a great time...almost killed myself (scarring Steph) but still I will never forget that day.
Monday pissed me off, because we got our High School forms. I hate myself for my choices but that's OK. I think I'll live. I have decided to do partial IB French immersion Fine Arts. Yes I know, ambitious. At the time though I freaked, and completely snapped into a rut of depression, because of WAY too much stress (I was already on overload, and then that happened). Tuesday and Wednesday are a blur, I remember nothing outside of my thoughts of confusion, and too much pain Tylenol, therefore I remember NOTHING that happened those two days, except that somewhere in there our school band got two new pieces of music, both of which are gay... cause it's concert band, and tenor sax doesn't get parts in concert band lol. Thursday was another CRUB rehearsal, blue night, I was very blue, only on the outside cause by then I was feeling a bit better about everything. That night in a very calm manner I decided my high school courses once and for all. Friday was gay as hell. End of sentence.
Saturday was interesting well the evening half. I was at home all day until about 6:30pm, then I attended a dance. Normally I hate dances but this one wasn't so bad, so I shan't complain. I was pretty optimistic when all was said and done.
Which brings us to today. After sleeping 4 hours and getting kicked out of bed, I went out to the country. I had a lovely walk in the valley, where it was at least +15 I swear it was just gorgeous, and then an also lovely walk up on top of the mountain. Where it was cold as hell and windy. My ears kept popping, it was pleasant. The view was amazing, my kingdom for a camera. But alas, no, just an image burned into my skull. Somewhere in these few hours I managed to sprain my ankle... again. This is time #3 for this ankle. I don't think it can handle the abuse anymore. It's going to get up and go on strike. 3 times in a year. That's sad. So yes I am now in pain, tired, and in need of ice, oh well. It'll be better in a weekish so I hope. Anyways I thought I'd update my life cause I had a few spare moments. I now have to go to sleep because I have to get up in the morning bright and early for a jazz rehearsal. YAY NEW MUSIC. I hope there's another tenor solo *crosses fingers* Meh even if there isn't I'm still excited, wow I live for band.
Good night!
On Tuesday I attended an early morning rehearsal for jazz, which went swimmingly, the next day our jazz band competed in festival which we just found out we won a gold award. Yay. The next day was a Thursday, where I had an early morning rehearsal for concert band which went less swimmingly as hoped, and a rehearsal in the evening for CRUB, which was fantastic as usual.
Friday there was no school but I had to go anyways cause our concert band was competing in Festival, we haven't got the results yet, but I doubt that we did as good as jazz, and then yet another CRUB rehearsal in the evening, where we started blocking our show.
Saturday was interesting. I have an evil chart (I'm going to say #3 but it could be #2) I hate sliding. It's evil. Blocking is loads of fun, even if people *cough David cough* are running into you and you're missing steps and whatnot. I have discovered the guys at band can be cruel. My knees are terrible, that I have also deduced. Saturday left me exhausted, and Sunday was pretty much the same, with a little less marching...and less marching space, thus forth resulting me walking into a window, lovely. Sunday evening I tried downhill skiing for the first time. Steph was scarred for life, I on the other hand had a great time...almost killed myself (scarring Steph) but still I will never forget that day.
Monday pissed me off, because we got our High School forms. I hate myself for my choices but that's OK. I think I'll live. I have decided to do partial IB French immersion Fine Arts. Yes I know, ambitious. At the time though I freaked, and completely snapped into a rut of depression, because of WAY too much stress (I was already on overload, and then that happened). Tuesday and Wednesday are a blur, I remember nothing outside of my thoughts of confusion, and too much pain Tylenol, therefore I remember NOTHING that happened those two days, except that somewhere in there our school band got two new pieces of music, both of which are gay... cause it's concert band, and tenor sax doesn't get parts in concert band lol. Thursday was another CRUB rehearsal, blue night, I was very blue, only on the outside cause by then I was feeling a bit better about everything. That night in a very calm manner I decided my high school courses once and for all. Friday was gay as hell. End of sentence.
Saturday was interesting well the evening half. I was at home all day until about 6:30pm, then I attended a dance. Normally I hate dances but this one wasn't so bad, so I shan't complain. I was pretty optimistic when all was said and done.
Which brings us to today. After sleeping 4 hours and getting kicked out of bed, I went out to the country. I had a lovely walk in the valley, where it was at least +15 I swear it was just gorgeous, and then an also lovely walk up on top of the mountain. Where it was cold as hell and windy. My ears kept popping, it was pleasant. The view was amazing, my kingdom for a camera. But alas, no, just an image burned into my skull. Somewhere in these few hours I managed to sprain my ankle... again. This is time #3 for this ankle. I don't think it can handle the abuse anymore. It's going to get up and go on strike. 3 times in a year. That's sad. So yes I am now in pain, tired, and in need of ice, oh well. It'll be better in a weekish so I hope. Anyways I thought I'd update my life cause I had a few spare moments. I now have to go to sleep because I have to get up in the morning bright and early for a jazz rehearsal. YAY NEW MUSIC. I hope there's another tenor solo *crosses fingers* Meh even if there isn't I'm still excited, wow I live for band.
Good night!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Despondency
Whatever have I become?
An echo of my pain filled past
An empty shell of self loathing
Of which destined to succumb
Let my death be my rebirth
And suffer no more my anguish
Cry myself to sleep every night
Struggle against low self worth
Where did the honesty go?
The blissful girl who once was me
The free spirited sincere smile
The one you killed long ago
Why did you have to break me?
I was a tender fragile child
Full of innocence and wonder
Happy to live and be free
Now as tears caress my cheeks
I attempt to hold back a sigh
Restrain the overwhelming cry
And the vengeance my soul seeks.
An echo of my pain filled past
An empty shell of self loathing
Of which destined to succumb
Let my death be my rebirth
And suffer no more my anguish
Cry myself to sleep every night
Struggle against low self worth
Where did the honesty go?
The blissful girl who once was me
The free spirited sincere smile
The one you killed long ago
Why did you have to break me?
I was a tender fragile child
Full of innocence and wonder
Happy to live and be free
Now as tears caress my cheeks
I attempt to hold back a sigh
Restrain the overwhelming cry
And the vengeance my soul seeks.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
hehe BOO!!! sneak, Sneak, SNEAK!!!
BANANA PHONE!!!! *Pulls out real live banana phone* You can't be serious! No way! So you had to ask why the dolphins ate your cookie didn't you? You couldn't just let the gnomes get away in your shorts, no you had to ask. Well the answer to that is, the ants got it. You heard me. Ants. Ants in blue and white polka dotted pants, living in plants. Yeah plants. So when the cotton plantations fall from the sky and land in the ocean the world will decide to leave and go on vacation in Hawaii. Then it will change its mind because Hawaii is too expensive and will decide to self implode. So suddenly crackers will become less salty and ketchup shall resume it's regular form of blood dripping from a...I wonder if they have forks on the moon. And if colour isn't more than an illusion played to us through rays of "white light." Haile be thou, quene of maidyns mo! Hit wax gret as odur do!
Why am i rambling on in a confused state? Well I may let you in on a secret. I HAVEN'T ANY HOMEWORK!!!! Therefore I'm ecstatic!!! I haven't had a night of just sitting around in 3 months...maybe longer. Sure you may think I'd be bored. But in reality I'm not. I'm so occupied with my many pastimes (take that people who say I have no life!) That being bored is next to impossible! So why am I writing this? Cause guess what this is one of my fantastical pastimes! Oh yes, you are all jealous.
'Tis 'tthe 'tbest 'tday 'tin 'ta 'tlong 'ttime!!! YAY the pansies have chased that overgrown mirror away and it hath shattered upon thine teacup! Dunananana BATMAN nananananananana ROBIN!!! I mean BATMAN!!!! *sings* There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold *stops singing* Well someone has been sorely mislead. Have you ever seen water glitter in the sunlight? That is not gold, cause when you try to bite it you won't end doing anything other than hurting your jaw and drowning yourself in the process. If I were a camel I'd live in the post office. So if you ever see a camel hiding in your mailbox give him my regards.
OK I'm done now. I really want to get back to playing my guitar.... I LOVE YOU MY BABY!!!
Friday, February 9, 2007
Been Tied Up
That sounds kinky doesn't it? Ok anyways. Lately I haven't exactly been around to post things, not that there's too many people who read what I write. Between jazz camp (being the loser I am), 15 hours of homework that Saturday, skiing with Amanda, going out to lunch with my grandma, doing 8 more consecutive hours of homework, going to school Monday and feeling lost cause I missed so much, doing more homework to try to catch up, waking up and doing the same thing on Tuesday, Wednesday's misadventure (see Steph's blog for details), and last night's rehersal. I've had no time to myself. As I type this I can't help but think. "I should be doing homework". Yet somehow I stay here, cause yeah I need some time to myself... Where I'm not furiously trying to do calculations in my head, or memorizing scientific terms (cause I'm too lazy to learn how to do it, I'll just memorize the pictures, and answers... I seem to get by just fine like that). So yeah tons of stuff like that. Got report card today. On a completly different topic I also got a huge lecture from my dad. Was that unrelated, I think not. It starts. " Your school nurse just called". I think... riiiiight. So he goes off into this contreversial spiel as to how innoculations are bad, and how there's different risks and crap like that. Then he askes the ever present question. "How was school?" At this question I almost burst out laughing. I hate my school. I actually hate it, but I mean there's nothing I can do about that. So I exisist there for the sole purpose of band. The one class I live for. Well that and English. Anyways I mutter something incomprehensible and then state. "Oh and I got my report card." Then the real lecture began. He takes a look and sighs. "When are you going to get it right?" Now OK. I went down 1%. That's it! Everyone goes down second term! Why should I be an exception? And I mean seriously 1%!!!!! What is that?!?! ( Iwent from 88% to 87% he should be proud). But no, he starts going on about how I have no direction and how I should quit everything including french and just work on school. And then he wants to know what I plan on doing with my life. Meanwhile I can't help but think... umm how the hell should I know? I have pleanty of time to decide. So as I'm getting the 3rd degree from my dad I think of something. Just ignore everything that he says. So just to spite him, I'm going to audition for a part in our school play. And I'll probably get it too. Like last year. Then I'll have a nervous break down. Like last year. I'm looking forewards to this! Anyways I shouldn't write anymore. My dad is still on my case, and wants me to get some dinner and get my homework done *gags*
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Man Packing
Well, let us see, where to start? Man packing....I bet you're all wondering what "Man Packing" is. I shall start off by saying that "Man Packing" and "Packing Men" are two completely different things. "Packing Men", would be like me putting men into a bag and taking them to band camp with me...which would be scarring for both parties. Now to explain "Man Packing"...
It all starts over dinner, I was out with a friend and like....13 of her friends cause she's leaving for 3 months on an exchange trip to France. Needless to say I am jealous. So somehow I end up on the opposite side of the table sitting next to her boyfriend, (awkward....a little). When we get into a conversation about random things we should be doing, but aren't. And then it dawns on me...I'm leaving tomorrow for jazz band camp...and I have yet to pack. So I voice this realisation, and his advice to me, "Man Pack" (In an English accent). Then I question..."What the hell is 'man packing?'"... and he says.... "OK you know all that rubbish lying all over your floor?" (me: *nods*) "Well to 'man pack' you have to take as much of that rubbish as you can, don't look at it, and shove it in a bag...this will only take ten minutes and you're 100% packed." Then I ask.... "Well how do you know if you have everything?" As an answer I simply get "You don't." Well I get home at nine....look at the clock, then look at my homework, and I came to a conclusion...."Man Packing," Looks like an open option... Well let me tell you. 10 minutes later I was almost 100% packed, no folding and 50% of the stuff was off my floor. But I decided to not be totally gross...so I did a little laundry. But yeah when in a hurry.... "Man Packing" is the way to go!
Anyways, I'm leaving for band camp in the morning... so I won't be back until Friday. I hope I'm not too terribly missed cause well, I know I'm not but it's nice to think that there are people out there who care if you're around or not. Talk to you when I get back.....
It all starts over dinner, I was out with a friend and like....13 of her friends cause she's leaving for 3 months on an exchange trip to France. Needless to say I am jealous. So somehow I end up on the opposite side of the table sitting next to her boyfriend, (awkward....a little). When we get into a conversation about random things we should be doing, but aren't. And then it dawns on me...I'm leaving tomorrow for jazz band camp...and I have yet to pack. So I voice this realisation, and his advice to me, "Man Pack" (In an English accent). Then I question..."What the hell is 'man packing?'"... and he says.... "OK you know all that rubbish lying all over your floor?" (me: *nods*) "Well to 'man pack' you have to take as much of that rubbish as you can, don't look at it, and shove it in a bag...this will only take ten minutes and you're 100% packed." Then I ask.... "Well how do you know if you have everything?" As an answer I simply get "You don't." Well I get home at nine....look at the clock, then look at my homework, and I came to a conclusion...."Man Packing," Looks like an open option... Well let me tell you. 10 minutes later I was almost 100% packed, no folding and 50% of the stuff was off my floor. But I decided to not be totally gross...so I did a little laundry. But yeah when in a hurry.... "Man Packing" is the way to go!
Anyways, I'm leaving for band camp in the morning... so I won't be back until Friday. I hope I'm not too terribly missed cause well, I know I'm not but it's nice to think that there are people out there who care if you're around or not. Talk to you when I get back.....
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Yeah, I'm pissed.
About what I have no idea, which just pisses me off even more. Emotions are too damn complex, I don't even know what I'm mad at, which is confusing and frustrating...which pisses me off even more. I'm mad at one of my friends right now (no names mentioned, but if you read this I hope you know who you are). I don't understand how he can be so nice, and then his ego takes over and just masks the niceness I thought I saw in him. And then he turns into an asshole, and starts insulting people, and annoying the hell out of everyone. He's an egomaniac with a bad sense of humor, who enjoys insulting other people just so he can get a cheap laugh from people who think he's mean, and then go and empathize with the injured. If there was a way to get through to him without injuring his precious ego and self worth I'd totally tell him what I think. But for some reason I don't want him to be pissed at me, although I think I'm really pushing it. But at the moment I'm all for driving him into the ground with my wrath, and shattering his pride into a million pieces. I'm not going to elaborate any farther. Well this is for you, fuckhead.
Enough
Push me down
Insult my name
I don’t care
I hate your game
Fuck your incompetence,
your over exaggerated ego
Why do I even bother?
Honestly I don’t know.
Make me boil over
I give up everything
Insignificant as I may be
I deserve understanding
The system is screwed
Destroying our minds
With its head up its ass
Nothing it finds
Why do you follow it?
You’re such a square
Your life has no meaning
For you I don’t care
When all's said and done
Nothing will have changed
You’ll still be an asshole
And I’ll still feel deranged
Go on, call me a bitch
Yeah, I know that’s what you think
I’m sick of being pushed around
I’m well over the brink
Now that you’ve been told
Leave me in peace
I’m done with your masquerade
Get out of my face!
Well good job asshole. You made me mad. And that I must say is an accomplishment considering I'm a very mild tempered person. Congratulations, you're going to die.
Enough
Push me down
Insult my name
I don’t care
I hate your game
Fuck your incompetence,
your over exaggerated ego
Why do I even bother?
Honestly I don’t know.
Make me boil over
I give up everything
Insignificant as I may be
I deserve understanding
The system is screwed
Destroying our minds
With its head up its ass
Nothing it finds
Why do you follow it?
You’re such a square
Your life has no meaning
For you I don’t care
When all's said and done
Nothing will have changed
You’ll still be an asshole
And I’ll still feel deranged
Go on, call me a bitch
Yeah, I know that’s what you think
I’m sick of being pushed around
I’m well over the brink
Now that you’ve been told
Leave me in peace
I’m done with your masquerade
Get out of my face!
Well good job asshole. You made me mad. And that I must say is an accomplishment considering I'm a very mild tempered person. Congratulations, you're going to die.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Productive
Well, once again another productive FLA class, but then again those are always productive. While we pretend to read our books Steph (Who currrently sits on the other side of the room), is making faces at Amanda therefore Amanda is already giggling......when I get the most amazing idea ever... And so it became. The Raflongky was born. The Raflongky is a mystical creature that is created after many generations of cross- breeding falcons, rabbits, donkeys and dragons. It also has mysical pastery powers; and can summon any type of pastery at it's will. Lol Amanda couldn't stop giggling....especially when I decided to draw it.
Well that's not a very clear image (yes I'm still attempting to understand how to work this scanner/photo editing program) But you get the idea. French class strikes again!
Well that's not a very clear image (yes I'm still attempting to understand how to work this scanner/photo editing program) But you get the idea. French class strikes again!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Stephanie
Ok you should have seen this coming... commenting like that.... sheesh. Ok what can I say about Stephanie... hmmmm there's some really embarassing things that I could say but I fear for my life cause first of all, she knows things about me equally embarassing and ummm yeah in a way I fear for my life cause she knows where I live and would find the nearest spork and hunt me down like the wild animal I am lol. Ok about Steph....
PROFILE
Stephanie Jessica Pan
Born December 4th 1992
5'2 feet tall
14 years old (in case you can't add from the above date)
grade nine (once again a given)
goes to Bishop Pinkham
Taken french immersion for the past 3 years
Lives in a city
Of asian heritage
Family lives in Toronto
ummm would say her address and phone number but fear for my life tells me it's better not to enclose that information.....
86% average (I think. This hasn't been verifyed for a while)
Brown eyes
Black straight hair.
Braces (which get taken off in February and right now have horrid elastics)
Thin frame
LOUD voice (all the time)
Size 12/14/0 pants (depending where you buy them)
Size small shirt
Bra size... another thing I maybe shouldn't enclose
Right handed
CREEPY IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD
ummm at the moment I can't think of too much more....please add a comment if theres something i missed lol.
Nicknames: she doesn't have many... Stephie Pants is one I guess...and Triangle works too I think.
Likes: Playing clarinet, playing piano (admit it, on some level you do), attempting tenor sax (not to insult you or anything), The Beatles, Classic rock, Jazz, Ballet, Tap dancing, msn (you are on all the time), sinning * I meant singing but sinning works too* Making dirty comments *does that count as sinning?* ummm sadly enough math, making whip noises, eating oranges with her elastics in (for her braces)...ew, Jazz band, concert band, laughing at me, insulting me on as many levels as possible everyday,chocolate, sneaking downstairs to use the computer after midnight, eating chocolate and drinking orange juice at 1:30am, writing songs about Spanky Pants and Eddie Baby (coincedentally the same person) writing poems, writing stories, Waking up in the middle of the night to do these activities, going to the playground in the dark barefooted and swinging in the rain (lol remember? That was fun), BANDCAMP!!!!, ummm theres more but I'm too lazy to continue.
Dislikes: Me. Lol jk. Ummm, her braces, dead kittens, singing off key, falling down while skating, horses (allergy), Math teacher, losing her keys, bad report cards, homework, playing on broken reeds, Cantus Jubliante, being made fun of, being insulted, social dance, being kicked in the ass, being corrected, admitting she's wrong, tests.... pretty average but I can't think of more right now cause I'm far too lazy.
There are you happy Steph? I mentioned you.
PROFILE
Stephanie Jessica Pan
Born December 4th 1992
5'2 feet tall
14 years old (in case you can't add from the above date)
grade nine (once again a given)
goes to Bishop Pinkham
Taken french immersion for the past 3 years
Lives in a city
Of asian heritage
Family lives in Toronto
ummm would say her address and phone number but fear for my life tells me it's better not to enclose that information.....
86% average (I think. This hasn't been verifyed for a while)
Brown eyes
Black straight hair.
Braces (which get taken off in February and right now have horrid elastics)
Thin frame
LOUD voice (all the time)
Size 12/14/0 pants (depending where you buy them)
Size small shirt
Bra size... another thing I maybe shouldn't enclose
Right handed
CREEPY IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD
ummm at the moment I can't think of too much more....please add a comment if theres something i missed lol.
Nicknames: she doesn't have many... Stephie Pants is one I guess...and Triangle works too I think.
Likes: Playing clarinet, playing piano (admit it, on some level you do), attempting tenor sax (not to insult you or anything), The Beatles, Classic rock, Jazz, Ballet, Tap dancing, msn (you are on all the time), sinning * I meant singing but sinning works too* Making dirty comments *does that count as sinning?* ummm sadly enough math, making whip noises, eating oranges with her elastics in (for her braces)...ew, Jazz band, concert band, laughing at me, insulting me on as many levels as possible everyday,chocolate, sneaking downstairs to use the computer after midnight, eating chocolate and drinking orange juice at 1:30am, writing songs about Spanky Pants and Eddie Baby (coincedentally the same person) writing poems, writing stories, Waking up in the middle of the night to do these activities, going to the playground in the dark barefooted and swinging in the rain (lol remember? That was fun), BANDCAMP!!!!, ummm theres more but I'm too lazy to continue.
Dislikes: Me. Lol jk. Ummm, her braces, dead kittens, singing off key, falling down while skating, horses (allergy), Math teacher, losing her keys, bad report cards, homework, playing on broken reeds, Cantus Jubliante, being made fun of, being insulted, social dance, being kicked in the ass, being corrected, admitting she's wrong, tests.... pretty average but I can't think of more right now cause I'm far too lazy.
There are you happy Steph? I mentioned you.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
The Monster In My Closet
There’s a monster that lives in my closet.
But no one believes when I say,
“There’s a monster that lives in my closet,”
And I tell you he wants to stay.
He has big bright blue bumps beside his nose,
And merciless teeth that are knives.
He has green fur from his head to his toes,
And pointed claws used to take lives.
Oh how I wish that he would go away,
And leave me alone forever.
But when I asked him nicely he said “Nay,”
with a small grin, sly and clever.
I told my father to get rid of him,
But he told me there aren’t such things
“They only live in a land we call Whim,”
said he in his loud voice that rings.
I cried alone for a year and three days,
When finally came a thought.
I’d talk to the beast, to see why he stays,
And a sad answer is all that I got.
“There’s no way I can leave,” said he to me,
As Splash went his tears on the floor,
“I just want a friend,” he said with a plea,
I knew I wasn’t afraid anymore.
I felt sorry for him, he was so sad,
I bet that you know what I did,
I ran back downstairs, back down to my dad,
And told him what the monster did.
But my dad didn’t listen to my tale,
So I returned to the closet.
And told the monster to stay for awhile,
And his tears stopped as if by faucet.
He perked up fast, like a jack-in-the-box,
When I told him we could be friends.
And we played with puppets, made of socks,
And that’s how the story ends.
Because the monster lives in my closet,
Really what I’m saying is true.
The monster is living in my closet,
And I love him, I really do.
Yes, I'm struck at school....ew... but I randomly found this peice of writing from last year when we did poetry, and yeah it brought back some memories lol. I thoguht I should post it here though cause it's a happy poem, from a less depressing time... and if I remember correctly it took me hours....hours to write cause it had to be a certain length with a certain rhythm and had to have all the simple elements (onomatapiea, similie, metaphor...etc). And it had to tell a story...I hated this assignment but was pleased with the finished product. Ok yes I'm rambling but honestly would you rather be writing a french report on racism? It's so cruel and discusting how a lot of people treat their fellow man.... I mean It's just sick, who would do stuff like that to another human being? Ok I should end this now before my french teacher comes and notices that I'm not looking up the KKK. (Sick perverted bastards)
But no one believes when I say,
“There’s a monster that lives in my closet,”
And I tell you he wants to stay.
He has big bright blue bumps beside his nose,
And merciless teeth that are knives.
He has green fur from his head to his toes,
And pointed claws used to take lives.
Oh how I wish that he would go away,
And leave me alone forever.
But when I asked him nicely he said “Nay,”
with a small grin, sly and clever.
I told my father to get rid of him,
But he told me there aren’t such things
“They only live in a land we call Whim,”
said he in his loud voice that rings.
I cried alone for a year and three days,
When finally came a thought.
I’d talk to the beast, to see why he stays,
And a sad answer is all that I got.
“There’s no way I can leave,” said he to me,
As Splash went his tears on the floor,
“I just want a friend,” he said with a plea,
I knew I wasn’t afraid anymore.
I felt sorry for him, he was so sad,
I bet that you know what I did,
I ran back downstairs, back down to my dad,
And told him what the monster did.
But my dad didn’t listen to my tale,
So I returned to the closet.
And told the monster to stay for awhile,
And his tears stopped as if by faucet.
He perked up fast, like a jack-in-the-box,
When I told him we could be friends.
And we played with puppets, made of socks,
And that’s how the story ends.
Because the monster lives in my closet,
Really what I’m saying is true.
The monster is living in my closet,
And I love him, I really do.
Yes, I'm struck at school....ew... but I randomly found this peice of writing from last year when we did poetry, and yeah it brought back some memories lol. I thoguht I should post it here though cause it's a happy poem, from a less depressing time... and if I remember correctly it took me hours....hours to write cause it had to be a certain length with a certain rhythm and had to have all the simple elements (onomatapiea, similie, metaphor...etc). And it had to tell a story...I hated this assignment but was pleased with the finished product. Ok yes I'm rambling but honestly would you rather be writing a french report on racism? It's so cruel and discusting how a lot of people treat their fellow man.... I mean It's just sick, who would do stuff like that to another human being? Ok I should end this now before my french teacher comes and notices that I'm not looking up the KKK. (Sick perverted bastards)
Friday, January 5, 2007
Short Attention Span
The average attention span is 90 minutes...according to Hollywood so I've decided to keep this edition of what I'm thinking at work to a bare minimum. Cause there are a few of you (not mentioning any names *cough* that would have taken more than 90 minutes to read it.... *coughamandacough*) I've taken out almost everything so this is going to sound more than random I'm afraid...
- I wasn't eating tea bags, I was eating tea.
- Random coughing fits suck.
- Oh no! The little blue men found me!
- Once a man, not always a man.
- Chocolate! Need I say anymore?
- Ew. Chocolate.
- Curse you vile throat!
- It's sad, I burnt myself on a spoon.
- FUZZY GLOVE!!!
- Ew.
- There's a tack in my hair...
- Why does the moon appear to change colours?
- One hour five minutes!
- Twilight approaches.
- "Olde Inglishe" I love that spelling. It's irritating yet somehow satisfying.
- Custom massage.
- DIRTY!
- This is the first person I've ever wanted to kill who plays sax...Well not the first person...*cough*.... You know who you are.
- Reading Korean is hard.
- (Above) A sentence worthy of Steph.
- Salty tea...ew.
- Vous êtes en retard.
- Late.
- Not retarded.
- The bottom of my page nears.
- I want cake.
- I meant cough drop.
- SPARKLY!!!
- Upside down tower...
- Negative ions = good?
- AHHH!!! It touched me!
- There's popcorn stuck under my tongue...
- Organic popcorn at that.
- Oh no! Carol of the Bells!!!! *Dies*
Well for you ADD people I hope that was short enough... cause if it wasn't you need to see a doctor. NOW!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
(Yet To Be Titled)
Ok, so I need to put a song here right? Well I confess.... I'm stuck and damn it! It bugs me so. So I'll put it out here, in hopes that someone will be able to help me with my problem... It's wrtten for guitar but I only have the basic chords down so far and well I haven't gotten far with the lyrics.
C--------------------------------- Am
Was it just a dream or did you tell me
-----------------------------Em
I'm never gonna be the same
-----------------------------A
Won't ever have a name again
--------------------------D
I'm just going to fade away
------------------C
Away into the misty morn
--------------------Am
Gonna be once reborn
----------------------G------ Em
To a place I'd forgotten exists
Ok so that's all I've got (other than writers block.... plenty of that) So if anyone has tips.... Words, ideas anything. I'm stuck and you're thoughts are appreaciated so please comment it would mean a lot to me.
C--------------------------------- Am
Was it just a dream or did you tell me
-----------------------------Em
I'm never gonna be the same
-----------------------------A
Won't ever have a name again
--------------------------D
I'm just going to fade away
------------------C
Away into the misty morn
--------------------Am
Gonna be once reborn
----------------------G------ Em
To a place I'd forgotten exists
Ok so that's all I've got (other than writers block.... plenty of that) So if anyone has tips.... Words, ideas anything. I'm stuck and you're thoughts are appreaciated so please comment it would mean a lot to me.
Freaky Music quiz.... yes I'm putting it here too.
I know! Everyone has seen this. So why do I insist on putting it here? Because I feel like it. And if I feel like it that's what I'm going to do..... So..... THERE!!!! Take the cruel world!
1. How am I feeling today? Ocean ~ Led Zepplin... ummm im feeling...blue? I don't know... I don't feel blue
2. Will I get far in life? Horse with no name ~ America... well this song is about a heroin trip.... hmmm thats ominious...
3. How do my friends see me? Bad Moon Rising~ Creedance Clearwater Revival... trouble? I should hope not I don't think I'm trouble
4. What is my best friend's theme song? Jesus' Brother Bob~ Arrogant Worms.... ok this is getting creepy... I bet she'll like this. Steph...lmao
5. What is the story of my life? We Can Work it out ~ The Beatles.... I hope so.
6. What was high school like? American Woman ~ The Guess Who... hmmm rebellious? I'm not sure what to make of that.
7. How can I get ahead in life? People are Strange ~ The Doors.... Is this a hint, or do I have to be strange to get ahead?
8. What is the best thing about me? You can't Always Get What You want ~ The Rolling Stones... o...k... hmmm well i knew that already
9. What was today like? The Wicker Man ~ Iron Maiden... This would mean destructive listen to the lyrics you'd see what I mean... *you watch the world exploding every single night* Hmmm I don't think it was THAT bad.
10. What is in store for this weekend? Teenage Wasteland~ The Who... Oh my.... just from the title I can tell it's going to be wild lmao jk
11. What song describes my parents? Lying Eyes~ The Eagles... Ok I could see that... I don't trust them anyways.
12. How is my life going? Love Her Madly~ The Doors... OMG! That's all I'm going to say to that... creepy *shudders*
13. What song will they play at my funeral? Ride My See-Saw ~ Moody Blues... YAY Something Philisophical! Now I know my life won't be wasted!
14. How does the world see me? Heart Of Gold~ Neil Young... Ok I knew I was niceish....but I never thought lmao.
15. Will I have a happy life? London's Calling~ The Clash... YAY I'M GOING TO LONDON!!!! I wish.... While I'm there can I take a day in Liverpool?
16. What do my friends really think of me? Give a Little Bit~ Supertramp.... Hmmm they want me to "Give a little bit, Give a little bit of your love to me".... I'll try!lmao!
17. Do people secretly lust after me? Rainbow Demon~ Uriah Heep.... This song sounds sneaky, well the beginning... with like hidden danger...OMG you should hear this song! *quotes* "There rides the rainbow demon on his horse of crimson fire.Black shadows are following closely on the heels of his desire." CREEPY!
18. How can I make myself happy? Blackbird~ The Beatles... Well I gotta be free... That makes tons of sense... Cause Freedom makes me happy
19. What should I do with my life? Shine On You Crazy Diamond~ Pink Floyd... Will Do!
20. Will I ever have children? I'm Burning For You ~ Blue Oyster Cult...Ummm.... I'm not too sure what to make out of this one...
21. What will you name them? Get Back~ The Beatles.... Ummm from this i shall assume "Jojo and Loretta" cause umm yeah thats the ppl in the song... thats ummm interesting....
22. Who will you marry? Ordinary Average Guy~ Joe Walsh...Ok I've got to stop getting things like this... it's more than creepy... it's weird... But um yeah title says it all I guess.
23. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? The Story In your Eyes~ The Moody Blues... Ummm will he like this song? I don't think I have one anyways, cause I'd know if i did lmao... Will he see the story in my eyes... and what is this story about, I'd read my eyes but it would be backwards in the mirrior.
24. How will you die? Free Falling ~ Tom Petty... Damnit I've always hated this song! Now I have even more reason to do so... I always thought car crash lol
1. How am I feeling today? Ocean ~ Led Zepplin... ummm im feeling...blue? I don't know... I don't feel blue
2. Will I get far in life? Horse with no name ~ America... well this song is about a heroin trip.... hmmm thats ominious...
3. How do my friends see me? Bad Moon Rising~ Creedance Clearwater Revival... trouble? I should hope not I don't think I'm trouble
4. What is my best friend's theme song? Jesus' Brother Bob~ Arrogant Worms.... ok this is getting creepy... I bet she'll like this. Steph...lmao
5. What is the story of my life? We Can Work it out ~ The Beatles.... I hope so.
6. What was high school like? American Woman ~ The Guess Who... hmmm rebellious? I'm not sure what to make of that.
7. How can I get ahead in life? People are Strange ~ The Doors.... Is this a hint, or do I have to be strange to get ahead?
8. What is the best thing about me? You can't Always Get What You want ~ The Rolling Stones... o...k... hmmm well i knew that already
9. What was today like? The Wicker Man ~ Iron Maiden... This would mean destructive listen to the lyrics you'd see what I mean... *you watch the world exploding every single night* Hmmm I don't think it was THAT bad.
10. What is in store for this weekend? Teenage Wasteland~ The Who... Oh my.... just from the title I can tell it's going to be wild lmao jk
11. What song describes my parents? Lying Eyes~ The Eagles... Ok I could see that... I don't trust them anyways.
12. How is my life going? Love Her Madly~ The Doors... OMG! That's all I'm going to say to that... creepy *shudders*
13. What song will they play at my funeral? Ride My See-Saw ~ Moody Blues... YAY Something Philisophical! Now I know my life won't be wasted!
14. How does the world see me? Heart Of Gold~ Neil Young... Ok I knew I was niceish....but I never thought lmao.
15. Will I have a happy life? London's Calling~ The Clash... YAY I'M GOING TO LONDON!!!! I wish.... While I'm there can I take a day in Liverpool?
16. What do my friends really think of me? Give a Little Bit~ Supertramp.... Hmmm they want me to "Give a little bit, Give a little bit of your love to me".... I'll try!lmao!
17. Do people secretly lust after me? Rainbow Demon~ Uriah Heep.... This song sounds sneaky, well the beginning... with like hidden danger...OMG you should hear this song! *quotes* "There rides the rainbow demon on his horse of crimson fire.Black shadows are following closely on the heels of his desire." CREEPY!
18. How can I make myself happy? Blackbird~ The Beatles... Well I gotta be free... That makes tons of sense... Cause Freedom makes me happy
19. What should I do with my life? Shine On You Crazy Diamond~ Pink Floyd... Will Do!
20. Will I ever have children? I'm Burning For You ~ Blue Oyster Cult...Ummm.... I'm not too sure what to make out of this one...
21. What will you name them? Get Back~ The Beatles.... Ummm from this i shall assume "Jojo and Loretta" cause umm yeah thats the ppl in the song... thats ummm interesting....
22. Who will you marry? Ordinary Average Guy~ Joe Walsh...Ok I've got to stop getting things like this... it's more than creepy... it's weird... But um yeah title says it all I guess.
23. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? The Story In your Eyes~ The Moody Blues... Ummm will he like this song? I don't think I have one anyways, cause I'd know if i did lmao... Will he see the story in my eyes... and what is this story about, I'd read my eyes but it would be backwards in the mirrior.
24. How will you die? Free Falling ~ Tom Petty... Damnit I've always hated this song! Now I have even more reason to do so... I always thought car crash lol
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